I don’t know “what i can do?”, i can’t do suicide

I am only in 16, i think i am diff. than all students or persons, like that i hate speak in class. I hate at, i don’t want to go hairdresser anymore(i was do it a lot), i just love myself, and my computer ! I am a programmer, i know c++, asm ,php and a lot ..

About 3 years ago, i was started to say “i want to die, god”. I am living in turkey, I am muslim. Because i am asocial, they just was say stupid, i still don’t know “what i can wear in conferances” etc.,

I was tiried suicide about 2 and 1 years ago, but i failed at all. I can’t jump !. No one know this, i just keeping this at my mind, i can’t stant anymore. I want to do it right now !, but my sense don’t allow it, at this time, i am just crying.

I don’t know but i really want to do that. I hate allshits in world, like we can’t come school with long hair etc., I want to say “I don’t care at all!”.

But i want to do, i really want to do suicide, i think no way. Or may i can go away!, i don’t want to stay in there and school. I can’t stant live. I hate live !

I want to do this, because i love myself. I think i am good, i love myselft, i can’t be another human (or man, i don’t know english as very well). and i love computers too, i am always in front of the computer.

When i go sleep, i start to say “why i am here?”, “why we are living?”, i think the world is fake, they earn money, and living with no reason, “Why?”.

I still can’t understant, why i am googled suicide, and why i am writing something to here. I just tried before die, i think i will die yesterday if something happened in school. There is a no reason, i want it.