I broke up with my girlfriend because we were living together for a year, and she never did anything. She didn’t have a job, she sat on the couch all day smoking weed and playing video games. I worked so hard to keep us above water, but we were sinking. She’s the love of my life, and I pushed her away. To try and get over her, I fell for whoever came first. a woman with a husband and daughter, but I didn’t care. Now I am alone again. I feel nothing. I’m 24 years old, and I havent cried since i was 9 years old. That was the day I found out my dad didn’t have cancer, but was using that as an excuse to leave us. I want to jump off a bridge into the deepest darkest water I can find. Let the cold water fill my lungs, enjoy the silence around me. I hate myself, I hate this world. The only person I ever truly loved was Brooke, and I had to push her away. Now she’s moved on, I am alone, I feel nothing. Maybe in the moments before my body dies and I step into the nothingness of death, I might feel something, anything. Goodbye.
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Sweetie, I am not an expert advice giver, but I am someone who knows EXACTLY how it feels to experience immense pain, and so I am going to try to help you the best I can, ok?
First, you AREN’T a monster. When I read this, I saw a very kind, caring, intelligent, and very lovable man. DEFINATELY not a monster! Nothing you have done has given you such a negative title, ok?
I am awfully sorry about your father and your girlfriend. Unfortunately, some of the people that we love can really hurt us, whether they intend to or not. However, there are always going to be the loved ones who shall never do such a thing, and shall always support and care for us. We just need to remember these people more than those that betray us.
Now I now it was very hard for you and caused you pain, but I think that you did the right thing, leaving your girlfriend. You really did do all that you could, and you did not deserve someone who acted so selfishly and irresponsibly. Maybe she now realizes the great guy that she lost because of her foolish actions, and shall learn to grow from her mistakes and get her life back on tracl.
You need to do the same sweetie. Although it may not seem like it, there are so many people out there that would be able to give us the love that we need and deserve. It just may take a while to find these people. But they are ALWAYS closer to us than we think.
You may laugh at me (and hey, that would be a really good thing!), but I do love you. I may have only read a paragraph about you, but that is enough for me to know that you are a kind-hearted person who I care deeply about and whom I wish the best for.
Please stay alive sweetie. Please.
P
You aren’t a monster. She’s a *****. You don’t deserve to die but it’s certainly a tempting alternative to living. I should know.