I’m a 32 years bachelor working as an executive in a local firm. I had a traumatic childhood. My parents always had physical fight and argue with one another. These traumatic events had cause tremendous effects in my mental health. I had several nervous breakdown. Nowadays, I find it difficult to get into any relationship. I hated the idea of having my own family. I do not want to have similar arguments like my parents did. Those childhood memories still haunts me today. At times, I felt I’m emulating my parents abusive ways. I’m becoming more aggressive verbally and physically. I felt hopeless and useless all the time. Nowadays, I’m looking ways to end my life. I think about suicide every night before I sleep. I just wanna forget everything…once and for all. Is it normal for me for having these negative thoughts?
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FYI: My thing is this, Experience Strength and Hope when I’m in trouble. Thank you for posting what’s going on with you. It helped me get out of self. I have a lot of anger for the way I grew up as well. I’m trying to be in the today, but I’ll tell you. The today really sucks, too. I’ve been married twice and divorced. But, I got sick and had to move back in with Asshole #2, to whom degrades me constantly and won’t even let me have an ounce of say so in anything. He got violent with me once after our son was born, but I beat his ass and threw him in jail, divorced him and left. Stuck with him because of my little boy and the money thing. Recession is just making it 5000% times harder. I think if I was able to be on my own completely, I probably wouldn’t feel like this. But it is and I do..
The only thing that keeps me going is not my 16 year old or my 25 year old, it’s my 7 year old.
Thanks for sharing your story. I feel better right now. It always helps me to get out of self.
I agree. Also, doing something for someone or something else has a positive influence on our feelings. Even just helping an older person putting their groceries in the car for that “thank you” and their smile only takes a minute, but lasts much longer. It’s the little things we do that really matter. Your past is always with you, but it is just that – PAST. Name it, Own it, and Claim it. Then, put it in your imaginary incinerator and burn it. Other people can be toxic to you. Toxic is a poison, so what do we do when we come across poison? We avoid it. Don’t touch it, don’t open it. You never know what real damage it can do.