I just don’t know

I’m 19, a freshman in college, and I’m surprised it’s taken me this long to lose my mind. I’ve quit caring about my life. I’ve never really seen it as anything special, but I at least used to care a little bit about what happened to me. Maybe it has something to do with my roommate almost killing himself, or maybe it’s because I’ve finally just felt so alone I can’t take it anymore. I stare at myself and see an ugly, wretched existence that no more needs to be on this earth than cancer.
I don’t feel as if anyone cares, even though my friends tell me they do. But how can I feel as if someone cares about me if I don’t care about me? I want to die, I want every lonely moment I feel to end. I just don’t see the point of going on anymore.
Maybe I’m being young and stupid, but it hurts. Every time I’m alone, I’m reminded how much everything just hurts.
I go to my first counseling session today, and maybe it’ll help. It’s the last little hope I feel I’ve got left.