I’ve watched everything I do fail. Every attempt I’ve made to make this pointless, bullshit, unfair thing I have called a life liveable has backfired, leaving me in worse shape than I was before I started.
As it currently stands, I freak out 10 times a day, and I spend hours every day lamenting and bemoaning my position.
Blaming me for this is like throwing gas on the house, throwing a match on it, then saying that the house was faulty.
This happens *every* time; not just once or twice, but *every* time. I’ll admit that I’m less-than-perfect, and I’ve made mistakes, but I can’t, for the life of me, see what I’ve done or what I’m doing that’s so bad that it precludes any chance of anything ever working.
This makes me believe that someone up there doesn’t like me. God, Itself, has some sick, unfair problem with me. It’s in control, not me, and whatever it says is going to happen is what’s going to happen. Not a thing in the world that I can do about it. I can try, reach, push, make the effort all I want, but when all is said and done, Its decision is what’s going to matter.
I’ve been begging and pleading and praying that this shit will stop — that good things will start happening, instead of only bad things. My pleas are always ignored. God doesn’t want me to be okay, and that’s just how it is. It’s not going to change. Now get back in the corner and stay there!
How is hospitalization going to change that? How is talking about it going to change that? How is taking pills going to change that?
6 comments
The only thing I can see that can change that is an acceptance that that is the way it is, which you seem to have reached, and then a bitter, unrelenting fight with life.
Life is a *****, and it doesn’t fight fair. And every morning the gong sounds for another round. But you’ve gotta smack it right square in the jaw, and keep punching.
No shit lifes a ***** it’s an uncaring heartless ***** that will toss you to the wolfs for her own profit.
Wow! I couldve written this. I wrote something similar about my life being cursed and “God” wanting me to faill. No matter what I strive for and try to do, it never fails that some random string of events beyond my control will happen every single time. “God” hates me and I hate him.
“How is hospitalization going to change that? How is talking about it going to change that? How is taking pills going to change that?”
I have the same opinions. I also know how your feeling. Theres times where I feel god is somewhat watching over me, and than there is times where I feel like god is trying to find my breaking point. Almost as if he is daring me to break and to end it all. But please don’t end it all. Whenever your at your breaking point and want to end it, wait 24 hours. Make that a rule and see if that helps you.
Well, i can take a different view on it as i don’t believe in god. Maybe a higher force but not this god that they preach about in schools and on tv, i see and deal with too many ministers driving BMW’s…
Anyway this is my explanation: we’re put in an unfair world where we are meant to cope but can never cope. The idiots and #$%$heads do fine. It’s the nice people who suffer.
I’m in the same place man. I wish i had an answer. I think we need to change the way we live to truly be happy. But yeah, i also have some disorders so that’s another thing to deal with. I just dunno.
nothing is going to change it there is no god luck is the only thing that keeps people alive and happy at least there is catharsis in sharing our thoughts