Addiction/suicide/ideation

I have been struggling with suicidal ideations for a very long time now, due to various problems from childhood to late teens. In the past few years, things have changed for me and I started to enjoy my life better and appreciate. Well, now I am on here because my partner who I very much care for’s father past away couple of days ago and since then I started to feel very suicidal, for no apparent reason other than someone has died, whom I have not even met before. I guess what I’m wondering, can suicide become some kind of addiction? Moreover, how can one get some sort of rehabilitation? How can I learn to leave with these horrible recurring feelings of despair? The thing is I’m little scared this time around as I feel older and a lot more determent about succeeding things and perhaps Its worrying…for self. I honestly thought this was going to stay behind me but I was wrong, and here I am. Why am I back to darkland. I just thought to share this and get it off my chest. Anyone who is going through likeness of this kind, my thoughts are with you, I know it’s not easy.