Well I guess I have messed up alot during my life. Im 22 years old and live at home with my parents life is so so. I have friends and a family who love me but according to my friends I am too gullible and too nice for my own good I try my best to do everything for them but it just ends up backfireing on me. Like I know alot of people who constantly talk about eachother behind their backs and I listen to what they have to say and then they tell me not to tell anyone about what they have said. Then the person who has had people talk about them behind their back comes to me and says what have they been saying. I want to tell them everything but if I do that would make me backstabbing the other persons trust and vice versa. The people who I hang around with who I call friends are there when I need them but its never enough if I dont do everything I can for them then I am a horrible person. Just like tonight my friend was ment to have a birthday gathering in my parents house but now she cant really have as many people as what she wanted. So now I have ruined her birthday and I am getting called a horrible person and basically the worst person alive. She is in a position where alot of my friends dont like her but I am still her friend I try to do everything for her but then I have my other friends saying I am wraped around her finger she is a *****. Then i have her saying im getting manipulated threw my other friends and I get caught in the middle. I have done mistakes to both sides which I have appologized for multipule times but its never enough. I am always constantly reminded how I am a failure as a friend and that I am a lier and a twat but the only things I ever lie about is just how much people say about other people. So in a way I try my best to keep people happy and keep everything flowing normally but by not telling the people what other people are saying behind their backs then thats me betraying them. I am constantly depressed with everything that is going on around me I am in a job I hate and I am confused alot of the time with everything when I say to one of my friends I dont remember what they said I get called a lier and they think im bullshitting them. I have tried to take an overdose before in the past I got really heavily sick and people just think I had taken ill so nobody knows what I did except for one person and they never have asked about when it was or why. I just feel like i have messed up my life complatly and I think about death all the time and now with whats going on I just dont see the point in anything anymore. I look back on everything I have ever done and nothing ever seems like its been good enough for people and when it has been good I just mess up so then people end up angry at me again I dont mean to make the wrong choices but somehow I do. I know people would be better off without me because that way they wouldnt have the disapointment they get from me. Here I just think I am rambeling and im sure people probibly think im goin off on one or just think shut up complaining thats why I dont tell anyone who I know because they would just say oh god shut up or say dont be depressed there are worse things going on. I know there are worse people off than me but sometimes I think whats the point. Im sorry for rambeling but I just cant take this life anymore.
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2 comments
don’t be sorry, please. this is important.
i don’t think you should let yourself get involved with such cruel people. it would be better to have no friends than friends like that…really. don’t worry about what happened tonight, forgive yourself please. when people talk bad – get away from it, say you don’t have interest in their gossip. if they ask you “what have they been saying about me?” – then tell them to go ask the people themselves, because you don’t want to be involved in their disputes. if they don’t like this, then ask them what the benefit of involving yourself is – because this is what it has led to. do what is right, please. follow your conscience.
please talk to me if you would like to… i would like you to. my contact info is at skull09.net
thank you for reading. please take care of yourself. don’t give up hope..maybe give up on these people, but not on life, please.
I think you need to surround yourself with positive ppl who make you feel better…it’s like they’re cashing in on the mistake you made earlier and taking advantage of you because of tht, even tho u apologized. so, not surprisingly, once you break out of this circle, you’ll prbly feel so much better about yourself…dont throw away your entire life over people…it’s not worth it AT alll…
i know it must be hard to just cut everyone off, but you can do it gradually…meet more ppl who are like you, and eventually break loose..having the right friends makes a lot of difference…i found that i was depressed because i was hanging out with the wrong ppl…and then once i made new friends, i felt so much better and could actually laugh again..so please, dont take your life because you’ve had enough of ppl…there’s other things you can do to avoid them, and death is never the answer…if you want to talk more
sf09life@yahoo.com