Two months ago, I got a refund check for my student loans. I said that as soon as the money was gone, I would be too. I’ve drank over a thousand dollars worth of alcohol, and it wasn’t the expensive stuff.
I’m down to my last fifteen dollars. I’m on my way to the store now to buy the stuff to kill myself with.
I’ve said that I’m going to do it before on here, but my racing heart, the logic telling me that dying is right, the gutter I purposely through my life into all says that it’s time.
For two months, I’ve slept with countless guys I met offline. We never used condoms, and one guy I know had an STD. But I stopped caring what happened to my body because I knew I wasn’t going to need it. I chugged alcohol hoping for alcohol poisoning. I’ve mixed alcohol and pain pills. I stopped going to class or even caring. I’ve done everything to screw my life up just for motivation for tonight.
If my family or friends read this, then know I’m very sorry. But nobody can say that I didn’t try to fight for my life. I died in January when I gave up. I couldn’t fight it anymore. I’m so, so sorry. Please don’t ever hate me.
15 comments
What is bringing you down this path to begin with? I’m willing to bet it’s not too late. Trust me I’m pretty miserable myself but I know things can be better..
You didn’t die in January, and you’re not going to tonight. Don’t give up, no matter how hard things seem to be right now. I’ve been there – more than once – and I can tell you from experience that it DOES get better. As bad as it may seem tonight, there are more people that want to help you than you may think…and a LOT more than would like you to kill yourself. Really.
I’m not a suicide expert…just someone who’s been where you are now and wants to see you get past it…
Joe
I find the comments of the other people very good. They are intelligent people, it is easy to tell. You may want to tell us what happened that brought you to a state of being down.
I was molested for seven years of my life, I was kept sheltered from my mother, I ruined my life, and I became an alcoholic. I have nothing left. I’m planning on dying this Monday.
Thank you for your comments. But there’s nothing that can make my problems go away.
painterofmusic,
i’m sorry that i could not help you before..if you would let me, i’d like to try to help you again. my contact info is at skull09.net
logic isn’t going to tell you right or wrong, it will only tell you what will give you what you want.
it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, it doesn’t – no one should ever hate you. please talk to me.
and take care…
Good luck to you honey…
I tried reaching out to the only friend who I thought could help. I sent him a PostSecret that said, “I bought 500 aspirin pills today. I will not ask for help again. I’m sorry.” His only response was, “Get it together. Talk to someone. I can’t help you.” That put a knife through my heart.
I don’t know what to do.
talk to me please… i Can help you
@painterofmusic. I fully understand the effect of the words of that bastard who you call your “friend” who is nothing but a heinous, unsensitive, bestial, brutal, scumbag. If I had him in front of me I would punch break his face. What you have to see in this is that you are more valuable than that scumbag. So, if someone has to pay, that is him, and not you. You are the one who must love himself.
If I could meet you in person I would. Even if you are in Europe I would. If you are in America we can do many things. First, you can rely on me and on some other good people around here (while also avoiding some stupid assholes you will also find on this site). Then, select carefully someone sound and reliable. If you are at school, DO talk to the counselor. I am not forwarding you to anybody just like that, it is because I am in Europe and you may be thousands of miles away. Second, whoever molested you is going to have pay for that. I know what is making you feel like that. You feel guilty, right? Well, no reason absolutely to feel like that. You were the victim and the fact of now having lots of sex is an attempt to overcome that problem. I am familiar with that kind of reactions, so even that is understandible and you are not bad or worse because of that.
Please, respond and lets talk it over for as long as you want.
Hugs
Alvaro
painterofmusic,
I do not frequent this site, so I feel that since I’ve seen your posting twice, this is God’s way of having me help you. I can’t claim that I know how you feel, nor do I think I can help you get past the harm that has been done to you, but I don know that there ARE people who can. I have no idea where you live, but I do know that there are people near you who DO want to help you, whether they have ever met you or not – just like me. PLEASE do NOT do anything on Monday! I will gladly exchange e-mail with you or give you my phone number to call me.
Life is not easy, and I have often wished that it would end for me easily so that I could get to something better, but I honestly believe – AND WANT YOU TO, AS WELL – that our end is not for us to decide.
I sincerely hope to hear from you…and that this will be the start of the way back up for you. Even if I never meet you, I DO care about you, because I KNOW you are a good person, and that you can overcome this low part in your life.
Your friend – Joe
hey, look. i may not be 20 something and a genius, but im 16. and i’ve faced more pain than you could ever imagine. every damn bad thing you could think of. has happened to me. im here. i will help you. there is hope. rememmber, the stars are still there
I’m a day late, but the aspirin is in my hand. I’m so, so sorry…
you really need to stop, becuase look. im in more pain than you can even think right now, but yet im still here. dont get me wrong, i’ve thought about killing myself. i really wanted too last night..but things have changed..i know there is a purpose for me in life..just like there is a purpose for you too in life.
why don’t you even give me a chance painter?
JM/CN – it’s OK to feel like you belong on this site, but you can only belong here as long as you’re HERE. I really do care and am concerned about you. The mere fact that I want to help you – as do several others who have posted here – should tell you that you’re not alone.
If you’ve never seen the old Frank Capra/Jimmy Stewart movie – “It’s a Wonderful Life” – I’d suggest you rent it tomorrow. IMHO, the best movie ever made, and after you watch it, you’ll know why.
Your commonwealth friend,
Joe