~True actors are the ones that spend their whole lives, pretending to be someone they’re not. They are the ones who fit a role perfectly, because they know how it feels. Not because they were coached into knowing the role by heart, but because they’ve experienced it. True actors are the people you see everyday. That man on the street, smoking a cigarette by a crosswalk:: with a scarf around his neck. That woman at the check out counter, who’s always smiling. That person you see everyday, but you don’t really know. I know this from experience. After years of pretending to be someone I’m not, I have come to realize that it is acting. Because you’re pretending to be a different person, someone other than the real you. After awhile your heart aches, and you long to be the person you always knew you were. Then you realize you can’t, because people don’t know the real you. They know the person you have pretended to be for so long. You fear that if they knew the real you, they would be scared. So you continue this charade, putting up this fake facade. Because it’s the only thing you know how to do. The only thing you’re good at.~
For the longest time I believed this.Â And, to tell you the truth, I still believe this.Â Life is nothing more than a game of charades.Â Life is nothing more than being a puppet.Â Being controlled.Â Life is nothing more than acting.
When am I ever free, to just be who I am:: and not what others expect me to be?Â My whole existance in itself, feels like a huge waste.
Nothing good has ever come out of my life.
Anorexia?Â Bulimia?Â Cutting?Â Do any of those sound ‘good’ to you?
Even when I was little…Nothing was ever good enough.
But of course, what the hell do I know?
Venting out one’s anger is healthy.Â and right now, I just need to vent.
But again, I’ll have to return to a life as a puppet.Â More like an automaton.