I feel as though I’m choking on air
Being strangled by the breeze.
I’m locked into place
I will never be free.
I’m lying in my bed afraid to go to sleep but also afraid to stay up because my moms in a foul mood and hates when I stay up late. Little does she know, I hardly ever sleep anymore. Only when absolutely nessicery (I’m sorry I can’t spell). I feel consticted and alone. Like an evacuated holocaust camp. Abandoned because help came too close and hated for what it was used for and what it was forced to do and who it was forced to hold. I wish I was dead. But I would never admit it unless I trusted you. Which mow is a very slim chance.
I never trust anymore. It too hard. Even on this site I hesitate before clicking the butting to post somthing like this or even a comment. I also hesitate because believe that my words are a compleat waste of others time.
Summer is so close and yet I feel so cold. Despite this heat I shiver, even if it’s not because of chills. I’m breaking. About to shatter. And all I can do is spout shit no one cares about on this site.
7 comments
I can’t sleep either. I feel like I can’t breathe. I’m longing for something… I don’t know what though. It’s like there’s a pit in the bottom of my stomach and my insides are draining out.
We care. Not as greatly as you like, I’m sure, but that’s only because we don’t know you personally. And I think that the fact that we take time to comment on others’ posts shows a kinship and careness. You don’t need to be redicent to post things on here. Just be sure not to say that you are going to do anything immediately or it may cause more than just concern. I read what you wrote, and although it’s a bit vague on your initial problem, I think the jist of it is that you’re in pain and you don’t have anyone to share it with. I feel the same way quite often, if it makes you feel any better. That’s why I post my things on this site as well.
Sometimes I wish I had a double of myself to talk to, someone who understands exactly and to push each other to stay on path, show each other the way. Being isolated especially in your mind is the worst feeling, not knowing if there is someone behind a face who really cares or not. I think you should try meet that girl you mentioned, be hesitant and give off hints at first before deciding if it’s a good or bad idea. Good luck. I care, really.
I feel as though I’m choking on air
Being strangled by the breeze.
I’m locked into place
I will never be free.
i feel what you wrote everyday….
@Mychoice-
I’m glad you care. Today I was having trouble beliveing that anyone could care. I thought that I Would be forgotten. Swept away from their minds like dust in the wind. But really in worse then dust, worse than dirt. Because those things actually have a purpose. I’m always wishing I have a double as well. I hate having to be practically alone in my head (despiite a voice that comes and goes).
@Tom Davis- well it sounds weird but I really don’t know how to explain my issues or my story. Somtimes I’ll just sit and dare into a mirror screaming in my thoughts. Thinking ‘what the hell is your problem’. No matter how neat or nice I look on the outside I’ll always be ungly messy and in constant tumoil on the inside.
@extjennifer- I’m glad and also not glad that you understand. And I know this is off topic but I know a girl names Jennifer whose in my grade. I just found out that she’s dating a 25 year old and wants to have sex with him. I’m trying to tell her friend who goes to church with me to stop her but I don’t think she will.
(and no I’m not very religious my parents just have me go to church)
@ – that pit we both feel is the hollow hole left by pain and hate and suffering. This is a lot like a bottle with no air on it underwater. When you lift it above water it’s hard to detach it from the liquid but then it does with a pop. Then air rushes in to fill the speace. Bit there is no air for us. For is that air would be relief, peace, love, calm, anything but this.
And a side note……
I’m surrounded by oblivious idiots.
The only way I’d forget everyone here is if I cracked my head open and got amnesia…”duh dumbass”, lol.
Just curious, you don’t have to answer: what does your voice say, how often does it appear?
It says a lot of things. I remember one time it was even almost comforting/ helpful when I was taking a test. Does that count as cheating? But that was the only time it did somthing positive. Usually it does what i do. It insults, degrades, and hates me.
It somtimes tells me what and what not to say and do. Like today when I saw my friend and her boyfriend I herd it say ‘no one will ever date you’ ‘who could love you??’