I’ve always had this need to get away, far away. Whatever profession I considered for myself, I always looked for the potential to work in another country.Â From reading posts on thisÂ site and information on people with suicidal thoughts andÂ tendencies it seems that the common thoughts or desires are for freedom.Â So how come we don’t go for it?Â If we want to be free then why arent we?Â We think that the only option there is is to kill ourselves and that will set us free but arent there other options?Â I’ve recently been looking into the Military. How silly.Â I am almost done with my masters in Speech-Language Pathology and I dont want it. I am not proud of it because looking back atÂ all the crap I went through (that I myself created) while I was in the program, I am still surprised that I wasnt kicked out.Â I made a joke of my career and no matter what people tell me (I didÂ so well, and dont think about the screw ups, you cant change it so moveÂ on) it doesnt penetrate me because how I acted goes against my ownÂ value system. And isnt it our values that make us who we are? This is not the kind of person andÂ professional I want to be.Â My actions were a result of continuous childhood abuse and neglect that continued up to this day.Â I feel empy, like I have no purpose and as a child all I wanted was to learn and contribute something of my self.Â And I couldntÂ do it the way I wanted to because of all the demons inside if me that kept holding me back. I wish I could have another chance at life and be the person I always wanted to be.Â ButÂ how silly is it to join the Military at 25 after already going through 7 years of schooling?