My familys gone off to see the pariade down town and I still here becouse i slept after worling an extra late shift.As I sit here I see a pizza cutter and other knifes.I wonder why I am even alive.All I do is work and live on my broken dreams.I don’t date.No friends.An untrusting family.no LIFE.I could it it right now however,i coulden’t die now.My boss wants and is expecting my to be at work.I might cut myself.At least I could do that right.All I have to do is say.”I got it at work””I hit my arm on a nail,blackberry bush,”ect.”My cat scrached me when I was giveing it a bath.” People will belive anything as long as nobody knows I cut myself and they say I am gulible.I just need to throw on the wal-mart happy face and continue to act like some actor in a movie.”Hello,how are you?” “Great” “Happy 4th”………….I ‘am worthless……..I….can’t…even ……..kill …..myself.It’s hard for my to move right now and breath.I beter stop now befor I cry like a little kid when thir grounded.Tears before work will just throw me off track.Better hide the cut…
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2 comments
It sounds like you’re going through a really hard time and I’m so sorry!
There is always a reason to stay alive. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your family. They may be untrusting, but I know they will be so hurt and devastated if you killed yourself.
What you call “lack of worth” is really the one thing keeping you alive. You can’t bring yourself to do it for a reason! Hold on to that feeling!
I promise you everything will get better. RIght now it doesn’t feel like it, but just because thats the case at the moment doesn’t mean it will be forever.
Don’t give up on your dreams! You can still have a “life”. Is there something you want to do? A hobby or sport? You should try exercising and maybe helping other people? That helped me. Also, writing helped me too! You could try it, what have you got to lose?
There are so many people that care about you! Don’t forget that! My best wishes!
Thanks,
The pizza cutter wasen’t sharp enoff to break my skin but,
that’s how it usully goes.I have been writing storys for a wile.In my head anyways.It’s like I think about it for a wile and once I finally get the story I write it down.It help me escape in a way.
I don’t relly seeing it as a sort of seccesion in my life.Me and my bro talk about our storys and how we want to see it into a anime(in his case) or a movie or series(in my case).I want to learn how to play a song on my guitar but, can’t get my fingers to play the right notes or have time to pratice.Anyways, Thanks for your surrport and have a great day.