I just saw something really horrible, by mistake. I was searching for a horror movie that I couldn’t remember the full name of, so I Googled what I thought it was and after searching further I came across a link that I assumed was a horror movie – it turned out to be real footage of an horrific crime that happened in the Ukraine. It was 3 boys that went around smashing people to death with hammers and they recorded their crimes, some of it got leaked onto the net and I just came across one of them. Â Before I watched the video there was a big red heading that said that this was REAL and VERY DISTURBING, despite this, and due to the fact that I am numb of any feeling lately, I just thought ‘f@ck it, I’ll watch it’ Â and honestly, I am not that squirmish at all, but I am floored by my reaction to this video. I have been crying and shaking for over an hour, it has deeply disturbed me.Â
I know that these kind of crimes happen all the time – there’s probably a hundred of em happening whilst I’m typing this, but those boys were laughing and so ruthless and just would NOT let up, even when the victim was a total mess, they STILL kept torturing them AND I came out of the site not even half way through!! All their victims were completely unrecognisable, and all their victims were vulnerable people such as the elderly, disabled, children or drunken tramps. I am sickened by this human act. I am ashamed to be human.
I have been suicidal for about a year, I tried one attempt but failed, but I always felt sure that I would pluck up the courage again one day. After watching this video, I now know this for sure, and I am determined not to fail this time. This has been the sign that I have been praying for;
I have been praying for a year now, day and night for some sign, some hope for me to stay alive – something to live for. Over this year I have learned that the only things people want to live for are all material – successes. I have no desire for that. So I have been praying for something other than the material things and fake things that this world promises us (if we work really hard etc). I have been praying. Day and night. For over a year! Â I have lived as pure as any human can be and all that I have been paid back with is hurt and pain. The suffering has no end. I have been praying for over a year, day and night!
During this year I have been paid back for all my praying (literally begging God to help me) with more pain and suffering.Â
I have never committed a crime, and I have never hurt anyone, I don’t even have nasty thoughts! I never have! I cry my eyes out at the news and reports about animal cruelty and poor countries etc. It’s ridiculous!
Last night I didn’t sleep, I cried and begged God to help me all night until the sun came up and I prayed more today. Then I found this video. And now I am taking this as either;
A) God hates me. Â B) There is no God. Â C) If there is a God, he is way to busy for the likes of me and he couldn’t care less if I died or not. Â D) There is a God and he is telling me that I do not belong here and I should pluck up the courage to leave. He has in fact answered my prayers.
I am going with D.
8 comments
I feel exactly the same as you Annie. I am just so sick of this cruel and evil world and the past few years it is so obvious everywhere that only the ruthless can prosper in this world. Only money and power matters. Love and compassion died off years ago – it’s all been replaced with materialism. The good are bound to suffer here, the good get trampled on.
I’m sorry you saw that evil video, and I’m sorry you’re ashamed to be human. I promise you there are some good people here but we’re pretty invisible !!
Hearing about those horrific crimes are unimaginablr to say the least. The fact that you have cried and been upset about this means your a real human…. Not the evil human- but the human that your meant to be. With emotions and feelings and hurt when you watch other commit crimes.
The victims need voices and advocates and people to help stop these evil things we call humans who murder and torture for the simple fact to laugh. It would be a person like yourself that seems to have so much compassion- don’t go with god- if you were meant to be in heaven – he would have taken you by now- maybe your failed attempt was a sign… Maybe in some way you were supposed to see this horrible video because it was suppose to change you and give you a voice to help others
But I can’t help those people who have suffered at the hands of these men, and I can’t ever prevent it from happening in the future – it’s happening now somewhere – how can I sleep in my bed at night when I know stuff like this goes on? Whether these men are ‘evil human’ like you say, they’re still human and so am I and I am to breath the same air as these people, walk the same earth? It just seems so wrong. I can’t see any attraction to living
DO you mind putting the link to tha video here?
Who is to say that you can’t stop it? What if you were to save even one person from a horrific attack… What if you saved a child?
Isn’t even one life worth saving?
We live our lives doing the best we can – being the “right” type of humans- helping others and hoping that what we do- will have positive reactions to others. As horrible as it is to know what goes on here there and everywhere- and I read all I can about it- but at the end of the day- I pray to whoever is listening up there – to help the evil, reward the good with pure happiness and spare one innocent person… Does it work? I don’t know – I would like to think so- but all in all- its one thing I tried.
I can’t be the one to say who stays and who goes- but I would like to think that you don’t need to go because of what others do
Hi, thanks for responding.
I’m afraid I don’t understand how I am to be a voice for the victims? Or to help anyone? How could I help someone to not be brutally murdered? I doubt anyone goes out of there house with the intention of being brutally murdered.
I have another problem; If God exists, why does he allow people to be so brutally murdered anyway? If what you say is right, that he saved my life by not allowing my suicide to succeed, then why can’t he save the life of a small child suffering a lifetime of torture?
It just doesn’t make sense.
tired wanderer – I don’t have the actual link, I didn’t save it, but I remember that one of the clips was called something like three men one hammer or three men and a hammer – something like that, I can’t advise you not to watch it as i did myself and I’m sure you can think for yourself, but I really regret watching it, it haunted me all night and I don’t think I will be the same after watching it.
I am not a strong religious person ( nor do I say god doesn’t exsist for others) what I am is strong in faith. I believe there is a higher power- some call it god ( I used to) I was raised as a christian- but started questioning “god” when I grew up because I was not sure how, if there was a god, how so much bad happened.
I don’t know what you can do- there is always something. I don’t know why these horrible things happen to people ( and trust me those fears are in me, as I am a parent, fear that this could happen to them) but I know that there is always something- some way to help, there are groups all over that speak out for victims, there are groups who fight to save people..m choices are unlimited.
I can’t tell you what to do- but I can say that it is sad to hear that you don’t want to be here because of the other people in the world… What they are doing is beastly and horrific. Ending things to me, would be that you are another victim.
But I encourage you not to- you have so much heart to care about others