I am feeling like I can’t go on much longer. I can’t even think of how to put my words into context. I just feel worthless and have alot of emotional and physical pain. Really lonely and depressed. I have nobody other than my phsychistrist to talk to. It’s so frustrating feeling like life has ended up in tatters. I don’t have friends. I have tried making them and all my attempts fail. I am just so fed up with people who don’t be honest or only talk now and then when it suits them and even then they are completely cold and heartless towards you. Both my parents are dead and other family members I don’t know that well or don’t talk to me. I was wondering if anyone that is feeling suicidal and basically has or feels like they are gonna give up and has no one else to talk to then feel free to add me on msn or e-mail me anytime vazzie_ere_chillin@hotmail.co.uk
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Hi nessa, I have a post just a couple underneath yours, I feel the same as you. I have emailed you
I sent you a facebook invite. I’ll be a friend. Just don’t spam my wall please.
Below is just a log of my wife’s diatribe and constant gimping. It is but a gist of what I go through because I feel forced to depend on her to live. I am sick of my life.
I’m unnerving, I’m selfish, I’m an ass-hole, I’m doing stupid things, I’m trying to get people to feel sorry for me, I’m devious, I’m looking for ways to sit in a corner and not do anything, I’m an empty case, I’m pessimistic, I’m an “Eor”, I’m lazy, I’m pathetic, I’m “tripping”, I’m toxic, I’m negative, I’m a waist of her time, I’m unproductive, etc.
Note: All of the above expressions that were uttered towards me, were listed just as, I’ll call her “the harpy” had said them throughout the morning of from approx. 0930 hrs to 1145 hrs and there may be extras undocumented from her thru out the day.
Further note: The extra dis-empowering words that may be uttered from the harpy later throughout the day and\or night will be added below this note and the estimated time in which her utterance occurred will be modified.
1/7/2011continuing @:
1205 hrs: According to the harpy I’m bipolar, I’m a little *****, I’m a liar.
1217 Hrs: I’m not worthy of an answer, I’m something to be warned about by the Goddess.
1221 Hrs: I’m seen as negative by the Goddess, seemingly: the Harpy’s comment; all the while, brow beating she says, “The goddess was right!” then storms back out of the room.
Note@1235 Hrs:
So far from the Hrs of 0930-1221approx: 2hrs and 49min the Harpy has expressed and uttered more than 26 dis-empowering statements; averaging by a round off towards the nearest hour per combined expressions and utterances, approximately 8.7 dis-empowering words, towards me, per 1 Hour from morning to noon.
My guess is that she does NOT get the energy that she desires from the coffee that we brew every morning, but from grilling me for 3 long HOURS with the above dis-empowering tripe every time she has a cup of it.
It’s like she is the zombie and I am her meal. I hope that energy that she raped from my being serves us well, because I feel totally exhausted and depressed, as the effect of it.
What I am according to the Harpy, five hours later:
1840 Hrs: According to the Harpy I’m a bridge burner, I’m not a fair giver as I do no reciprocate, I’m disloyal, as she said that I lied to her about “meditating.”
What I am according to the Harpy, another two hours later:
2059 Hrs: I’m no good because I do not help.
2101 I’m a waist of time. I’m comparable to a fraud and what she calls “smelly, fat, and white trash scum.” I’m not worthy to be spoken to.
It is events like the above that I have to live with every day. I have more logged and filled. She has ruined my life. I lost my job because of her. She has taken the house and put it in her name, as well as the car, the bank account, etc. I am forced to depend on her as I have no family outside of her who really cares to do anything about it. She has stripped me of the means to communication by taking the phones and router to the internet. She invades my privacy often by walking in while I take a shower, use the restroom, while I lock myself inside the closet, etc. She does not let me leave by blocking the door. When I barely touch her she acts like I hurt her and will even go as far as to try to get me put in jail, which she succeeded by a citizen’s arrest even though I did nothing to her. She is butchering my life.
I am convinced that there is no way out of this relationship. I am pushing my 40’s and do not want to be a homeless old man and be the embarrassment to my kids. She has gimped me to such a degree that my kids even despise me. I am stuck with all of this castration and simply want to die. I am done. This is my last cry for help. I have not told anybody when I will do myself in because not even I know. But, I am convinced that day will come. My list of reasons to die out-way my reasons to live. I have found that it would do everybody better for me to go. I am passed even crying upon the thought of it anymore. The desire is that real. All I am waiting for now is the absolution that it will not any better.