Where do our expectations come from? Â It’s those expectations that make us want to kill ourselves. We can only feel unhappiness if we have felt happy, or if we have had expectations of happiness.
If we have felt happy and now we are unhappy and due to that we want to kill ourselves, well, that is greedy and selfish isn’t it? I am a victim of this myself so I am not criticizing anyone. And also, isn’t it shortsighted? If we have been happy once or twice before, then how do we know we wont be happy again in the future? And why can we not be satisfied with the fact that we have been happy at all, even if right now we are not? You can’t have one thing without the other or neither exist, so there cannot be happiness without unhappiness – so who, if not us, do we expect to experience all the unhappiness? Anyone, as long as it’s not us right?
We can’t argue that human life should be perfect and happy all the time, that simply can’t exist anywhere – you can’t have one without the other – we wouldn’t knowÂ that we were happy! Like, we don’t know we are healthy without someone being ill. We have to have a comparison in order to be grateful.
If we have never been happy, whose to say it isn’t on the way to us?Â
And if we are never happy, whose to say that we were ever meant to be?Â
What about people who are born and starve to death all over the world, what about children who are trafficked? Abused? What about prisoners of war, who are tortured everyday? Where’s their happiness?
Happiness to someone else right now could be a roof over their head and food in the belly. That could be someone else’s complete reason for living.Â
Okay, so now we can be left with the opinion (like myself) that this is a cruel world and that we don’t want to live in such an evil world. That’s true, this world is truly evil. But what about all the beauty and the good? Thats does exist also. Whether you have experienced any of it or not is not the point, it’s still there!
This world is run by man, not God, there is no karma, there is no wrath of God, if there was, then we simply wouldn’t have pedophiles and murderers doing quite well thank you very much, and we wouldn’t have the many victims of horrific crime. Maybe in the next life (if you believe all that) there is punishment and reward, but the fact remains that you as a human will never know, all you have is this, right now. Be that good or bad.
So I was just looking out of my window at the rain deciding on whether I should kill myself (I have many boring reasons like the rest of you), and I was looking up to the sky in one last attempt to plead for some reason for me to be alive. I also felt angry about the fact that life is such a damn secret, why can’t this just be simple?????!!!! Or at least not quite so damn cryptic!!! Â When I just stopped and thought to myself, what if there is no reason, what if this is all there is – for whatever reason. What if you just pulled a short straw? Realistically, it’s not that short is it considering some of the above. What if some lives are happiness, and some are not, what if some lives are really good and some are really evil, what if some are healthy and some are not. Whose to say we control any of that? Who the hell do we think we are to think we can pick and chose this stuff?
But why do we feelÂ so much? Is it because we are programmed to or have we learned it? Is it our ego that has grown into this? I mean, if we left a bunch of babies to fend for themselves on an island somewhere, with no contact to our materialistic world and went back 40 years later, I wonder if they would have ego’s, I wonder would they be suffering with depression and I wonder how many would have killed themselves.
Even on this site, I have read some responses to posts from people saying things such as ‘you are such a talented writer, you could do something with that’ and other stuff along those lines – well, isn’t that the problem?? Aren’t these people only feeding the ego of a suffering person even further? The chances are that person will not do something amazing with his writing, chances are you cannot change someone’s life like some people say and why should you expect to? Trying is fine, but expecting an outcome is just feeding the ego.
This is the life that I have, I may not like it much, it might not be the life of a rock star, or the life of romeo and juliet, but it’s life. It was given to me, for me to experience and that’s all I can do – experience it.Â
That’s not to say that I wont chose to experience suicide one day – I mean there are some things that I can control 🙂