Well I must be the stupidest person alive because all I
can think of is cutting myself and wanting to be dead.
Everyone says they love me, but how can that be true when
they just keep bashing on me. Cutting seems to make
everything disapper and all the pain is gone. I feel so
much better after the cut is made. I feel like the world
couldn’t get any better or worse. No one understands why I
do it. It just makes everything alright and it may not
last long but each time I pray the feeling will last just
a little longer. I know that it’s wrong and that it could
kill me, but that feeling is just so amazing. I wish it
could be there all the time. I know that if I were to die
from cutting that I would at least die feeling good and
that nothing could make me feel bad. When I look at
peoples faces after they found out what I have done I feel
bad but the feeling from the cut is still pulsing through
me and makes it seem alright even though I see there faces
and hear their words about how bad it is and I know
they’re right but how can something that feels so good be
so bad. I guess it’s just like drug addicts and alcohalic.
I just can’t feel anything that makes me feel as good as
when I cut.
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6 comments
I, too, have found some comfort in cutting. For me it serves as a distraction from the pain and the thoughts of wanting to die.
I don’t get a high from it, though. Just momentary distraction. And I don’t cut in places people can ever see – I keep it very hidden.
I think there’s a lot of differences in cutting practices. But it’s always the same when others find out – they just freak and don’t understand why. Grrrr. Isn’t it obvious?
I do, however, hope that you can find something else that makes you feel good. I wish we all could feel good. I wish there was no suffering in this world. It’s just plain cruel.
Cutting release a natural pain suppression chemical in your body. Clean cuts don’t hurt as bad but the same amount is released and there for you feel “better”. Not properly cleaning the cuts can lead to further pain that no amount of cutting will help. Cutting usually leads to scars that are permanent. You do this so down the road you can show other people your arms and have some “proof” on how crappy your life was. Cutters are more suicidal but have the least chance to go through it. Why? Because they are too busy cutting themselves in a non fatal way. Physical pain does not mask mental pain. You can try and try again but it wont. You think that the world don’t understand cutters well we do. The fact of the matter is your are willing to do harm to your self which means you need help. Cutters are usually young. Reading your story I am guessing you are because you are unable to flee from the “bashers” who love you.
Jenny people come here to seek advice and just read other peoples thoughts. Don’t agree with her and tell here what she is doing is ok. Cutting yourself is not ok. Its stupid. This infuriates me to know that cutters are putting the idea in other peoples heads that cutting yourself will take you away from life. It won’t! True cutters in the end wish they did not because of infections and scaring.
Kieylee102 please I feel that it is in your best interest to stop cutting your self. I know you think its helping the pain at the time but down the road its going to hurt even more. I know for a fact that there are people out there who know what love is. Love is very hard to describe. Love is like…oh I don’t know…wind, god, or air. It falls under the category where only a few senses can detect it but you know for a fact that its there and present. Wind is there because we can feel it when it its your face, air when it hits your lungs, god when it hits your mind and soul, and love when it hits your heart. When love its your heart Kieylee102 – and it will – its going to give you more pleasure and good feeling more that any razor blade ever will. These people who bash you and don’t care at all for your feelings will be NOTHING when you find happiness. You are going to be happy one day and laugh in there rotten faces. You might have found some relief when you wrote your store here on the site. I know there are people who are thankful for this site. As I am. Please just hang in there ok Kieylee102?
–Zekee
I re-read my post and I’m pretty sure, Zeke2010, that I in no way encouraged kieylee102 to cut. She already was cutting, and I said that I did too. I did not tell her that “she is doing ok”. Where’d you read that?
If you believe that “cutting yourself is not ok. Its stupid.” that’s *your* belief. And nowhere in my post did I put “the idea in other peoples heads that cutting yourself will take you away from life.”. It sounds like you have an issue with cutting, and you’ve chosen to attack me because of it.
Who are you to falsely accuse me? Why should I have to defend myself to you – a stranger who I don’t even know and who knows nothing about me, other than the words that you read (or misread) on my posts?
You said “True cutters in the end wish they did not because of infections and scaring.” How can you speak for everyone? How can you say that one cutter is fake and another is “true”? I cut therefore I am.
Zeke2010, your reply “infuriates me”. Next time read more carefully and listen to what I’m actually saying, and don’t take your issues out on me. I have enough of my own.
By you telling her that cutting worked for you is telling her that its ok to do. Allow me to copy and past as you did.
“I, too, have found some comfort in cutting.”
That there tells her that cutting is ok because you do it and it is a good way to solve your issues. Wake up.
Causing harm to your self is not a “belief”. There is no religion or spirituality in cutting your skin. At least not one that I know about.
“You said “True cutters in the end wish they did not because of infections and scaring.†How can you speak for everyone? How can you say that one cutter is fake and another is “trueâ€? I cut therefore I am.”
The word True was a mistype I think I was doing some thing else at the time and was thinking something else. Cutters are one in the same.
I know cutters both male and female. Some cut for different reasons. But when I don’t to see is telling someone else that their cutting worked for them.
My point remains. You came in here saying that cutting worked for you and therefore its OK to do it.
No I don’t have cutting problems. I know that cutting hurts and I have learned long time ago to deal with pain of any kind.
Also I took no issues out on you. You said cutting works. I think your stupid for even saying that. I am sorry you take offense to that. Next time know that words with punctuations for sentences. Read first then reply.
Thank you for the nice words at the bottom of the first post but the rest of it is just bull! She never said that it was okay for me to cut she was just showing me that there are people out there with the same feelings as me. I have never shown my scares to people. They find them when they decide to play around with me. I’m acually thankful for my scares because they remind me of what I have gone through and have lived through. It shows me that I can make it. And if you can’t understand that then too bad for you. I have been cutting for years and not once have I gotten an infection and for all you know I could be 30 so don’t think it is just young people. I only didn’t die because a friend was there to stop me other wise I wouldn’t be so STOP hating on JennyA she understands!!!
Its true that cutting works and helps relieve stress but I dont remember jennyA ever saying that it was okay, she just said she got comfort out of doing it. I dont think it was encouragement but it was just her way of saying she can relate to kieylee102. I cut as well, but im not telling her its okay, we can just relate to one another with similar situations thats all. Sorry if that sounded offensive D: