Hey I haven’t been on here in a while, but I want to ask if anyone has had your old scars hurt like they were open again or they tingle like they want to be opened again? I’m having this problem and I’m trying to not be tempted to open one. Any advice?
There is so many things stressing me out and i just want to let go and feel that blade against my skin. I want peace of mind for just a couple minutes. The other thing is that my nightmare was that I lost control in front of my dad who knows nothing about me being a cutter and I just grabbed a knife and started cutting myself up. I kept saying this is what you do to me; over and over again. My cousin had to grab me and force my hands to stop. With that nightmare going through my head I’m feeling really frazzled […]
I’m slipping and i keep fighting but how many close calls can I make till I give in and it go past a close call? Where does it end?
I want to talk about is the feeling that I have been getting lately because I need to get it out of my head and take some of the pressure that is building off my brain. I have been getting that numb feeling back that’s causing me to get the cutting thoughts coming back and they’re hard to fight off. When you work with blades everyday and I have those thoughts it’s hard not to take that knife into the bathroom and just let it happen. I’ve even started seeing it in my head watching the blood going down my arms and feeling that light-headed […]
You think things are going right and then you find out the one that you think love you are lying to your face and it seem to never stop. You don’t understand why they lied, but they just keep lying and you don’t know what is the truth or another lie. You just start to feel the world spinning and you’re scared that the spinning won’t stop. You share the room with that person and they’re so obsessed on keeping the lie alive that you can’t even look at them. You just want to yell and scream at them, but all you do is cut, […]
When you think that you have hit rock bottom you just get lower and you don’t know what to do. How do you cope with that when you don’t know what the bottom is and just don’t want to see the bottom or the way out either. I never want to get out of bed these day, but when I do I can’t seem to stay awake no matter what I do. I just want to die and never have to feel tired again because I will never wake up again. Everyone say to find the good thing for the day, but what if there […]
Nothing ever gets better no matter where I go. I try to make a good life for me and everyone just wants to abuse me. Whether its mentally or physically. I never to do anything to anyone and I just get shit on. I’m ready for it to be over. I want to die and never look back. I don’t care if I hurt people after I’m gone because I won’t see them hurt and I can’t get hurt either. I really try my best and I get pushed in the mud and rocks. When will it end and I can live happily. I just […]
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Everytime I turn around my family is falling apart person by person. I never want to go home because when I do I fall in a pool of shit and feel like I’m drowning. I just want the pain and loss to go away and just be a happy family. I know that families have problems but I can’t take mine anymore. I just want to die and have no one miss me. I feel like the only reason they would miss me would be that they wouldn’t have anyone to complain to anymore. Everyone says that I’m […]
It seems as though things start out great then they just go down hill and I can’t seem to make things work. I know in my head that I’m not a bad person, but in my heart I feel like I’m the worst person in the world. Everything I touch just turns to shit and I’m tried of having everyone feel like they always have to be there to pick me up and I just keep falling. I feel like I’m bring them down with me and I just want them to be happy. Their lives would be so much better if I weren’t here […]
I use to cut myself to make the pain go away and it worked, but I had to stop because people found out. It use to make me feel so tired that nothing would bother me because I was as low as I could get. I want to go back to it because then nothing would bother me. I mean when I was that low I still acted normal and no one knew the difference. I was doing okay for awhile but all the stuff I learned isn’t working anymore. What do I do because I don’t know if I can go back without people […]
This day hasn’t been a good one I talk to the one I call mom and she fould out that I tried to kill myself and she told me that she won’t know what she would do if I was gone. The problem with that was that I can’t get those thoughts out of me head. I just keep thinking that my family’s life would be better if I wasn’t around and that my “friends” lives would have been better if they had never met me. I don’t know that for a fact but I do know that they wouldn’t have a depressed friend around […]
Why do people think it’s funny to tell you to go kill yourself. Someone told that to me today and I thought that it wasn’t going hurt me that bad, but it did. The voices in my head started screaming to go do it. I can’t make them go away and the worst part about it is that I was okay with dealing with my suicidal thought for a little while now and I just got sent back to the bottomless well that I can’t find away out of. No one where I am understands what I’m going through and it sucks that they don’t […]
I have been so alone lately and the loneliness is starting to get to me. I thought I was wanted in my family but I’ve learned that it was all a big fat lie. No one wants me and I’m the most unimportant part of their lives. I just want to drop off the face of the earth and never come back and I won’t care if they would miss me because they don’t miss me now so I just want it all to be over. All they ever wanted from me was someone one to complain to or have to do them favors I […]
I don’t what is wrong with me as I sit here all I can think about is killing myself and how I would do it. I don’t think I have a reason to want to kill myself. I just can’t it out of my head. Just seeing the blood running out of my body and the sleepy haze that comes with it. I just don’t know why I want to do it or keep thinking about it. What do I do?
Why is it that when anything bad happens to me the first thought that comes to my head is killing myself. No matter what I do I feel useless and in the way. Or that I’m putting some weight on someone to help me. I just want to close the door to that past, but everytime I try to do that I end up cutting off from everyone in my life. I don’t know if I do it so if I break down they don’t see what I’m going through and try to help me. Which in turn would cause me to open that door […]
Well I’m not sure how much more I can take. The feelings of everyone person hating me for anything is hurting so bad that it feels like I can’t even breathe. The verbal abuse at home and at work is just to much. I know that sounds stupid but it’s constant all day every day. The one person I thought would always be there for me is starting to think I want to stay and live with it. But that’s not true I just don’t have anywhere to go and to think about trying to live with her would be to much on her. When […]
I thought the feeling of loneliness would go away if I spent enough time with others but, it’s still there and it’s eating away at me. I know that people love me but my anger and sadness never seems to subside. Even when I’m with people I feel so cold and alone. How do I find how to be happy and whole again. I put on this smile and pretend to be happy, but what’s it like to really be happy? Cutting only makes me feel better for a few moment and that feels worth it. But it makes everyone around me nervous. I don’t […]
I’ve been trying to be okay with life but it seems to be getting hard every day. I keep having dreams about being raped and almost killed. Then I also have dreams about killing myself and no one ever finding out what happened to me. Will these dreams ever stop? My dad is an asshole and gets mad about everything and at my job I get screamed at for things I didn’t do that others did. I try and be happy but everywhere I turn people try and ruin everything I’m trying to change for myself. I want to be happy and be able to […]
I understand what people were talking about when they said being forgotten hurts the most. I didn’t feel that way at first but I know that hurt I just didn’t want to believe that I had been forgotten. I have been trying so hard not to cut but this time I failed. They weren’t deep just surface skin. But I have accepted that my mother and father have no room in their lives for me anymore. I’m just a waste of space and they most likely wish that I was never born. I feel like the only time my father ever knows I’m around is […]
It feels like the loneliness is what will kill me before I get the chance. I thought that I have been fighting it and keeping it back well enough. But I feel like it’s eating me alive and I can’t sleep anymore unless I cry myself to sleep but I have to be careful because of the people I live with. I’m starting to slip at work and things are getting to me more and more. Everytime I turn around I want to cry until I stop breathing. I never get to that point though I usally fall asleep be then or someone has come […]