I feel stupid, I feel retarded even…I can’t forget anything even now since I’m living with my mom now…She treats me very nicely but I still hold this anger…this grudge..I don’t know I feel like a nut something wrong. Even the things I do I don’t understand.
I hate my mom…for some reason, I hate her. I don’t even know why…She was always nice to me…But I hate them both..my mother and father. My father he’s a horrible person..he lied to me as well..He got re-married and was cheating on my mom..At least that’s as far as I know. He didn’t even tell me or my brother and sister he got re-married..I’m angry at him but my anger seems to just fade. I just feel depressed for some unknown reason. My life isn’t bad anymore..I told someone..and they called the authority’s.
My grandma claims she never hit me…So she’s not going to jail, my cousin told me to “stay out of his life”..Has he been brainwashed too? He was such a nice boy too…I wished he didn’t need to suffer. But I feel as if he’s changed as well…I don’t know where to go from here..All that anger is still here and I got angry with my mom over clothing..and I began just growling at her and everything..I kept sneaking into the kitchen when everyone else was asleep just bringing the knife close to my wrists..I was a coward, too afraid to even cut myself.
I just don’t know what to do.
I feel as if I hate everything. I feel hatred for my family, I feel foolish for being so stupid, I feel so many things.
And each time my brother or anyone if they talk to me or call my lazy, I remember…I remember horrible things, I remember begging for people to stop. I remember so much. Its just all screwed up…