I’m currently a 20 year old living in New Jersey, and I suffer from bipolar disorder. I got kicked out of my house, and I live at my fiancee’s house. She hates me, my friends hate me, and bascially everyone hates me. My medicine never works, and I’m always very depressed not doing what I do daily. I got in a fist fight with my best friend, and it has become worse. I’ve abused my fiancee because of all the pain I have caused, and I want to end my life. She understands why I did it, but doesn’t know how to react. Someone please help me. I don’t mean to do any of these things, I’m just very sick and just need a hand to reach out to. It’s like I’m hanging on to a cliff, and no one tries to pull me up, just tries to undo my hands from the cliff. I just need a hand to reach out to and grab. I just want to get out of this world for everything I have done because of my illness. I am suffering so much.
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“i am suffering so much” <– i understand this.
Why does your fiancee hate you? I can relate to how your fiancee feels more than I can relate to how you feel, honestly. I’ve never been on any type of medicines for any illnesses, however one of my relatives has been on medicine for being bi polar. Sometimes, I don’t know how to react, not because I don’t lover her or care about her, but because I don’t know how she is feeling. I’m still there for her and offer to help her, but sometimes I don’t know how to help other than to offer her words, which isn’t always the most helpful thing to do. If they really love you, which it seems like she does sense you’re living with her and you two are engaged, then I’m sure she only wants the best for you. Maybe she just doesn’t know how to approach the situation, or she is scared to say something that might make you or her feel uncomfortable. If you ever need anyone to vent to, I’ll always be here.
Here is a hand to pull you up…. From reading this- what it seems is your feeling are yours of course but its also being enhanced by improper medication. Speak with your doctor, research online to find possibly some different bipolar meds that maybe a doctor hasn’t offered you…
“You” did not abuse her- your sickness did. I have been abused and if it was due to improper meds and being bipolar- it would have been understandable.
You are not you until you can get regulated. Its very admirable that you are owning what it is- and the situation. Now- to find what will help you the most. If one doctor says no- them call another and another and another until you have the answer and the meds that work and that YOU feel are best for you
Your bipolar? Well…fight it, that’s my advice yes it’s hard but don’t let the worser side of yourself take control. Fight it, beat it and do your best. All of those things you did, aren’t you. It’s someone else, so don’t be suffering over something you don’t mean to do, explain. Talk.
Sorry I do not know much about the characteristics of being bipolar, but if there is a way you can control your anger and focus it on something that does not matter, that will help prevent hurting someone or something your really care about. For example, when I used to get frusterated to a point I could hold it in, I used to rip and tear scrap paper. I know it sounds immature, but its better than breaking my computer. When I was younger, I used to pinch myself really hard on the hand when I was angry. Again, hurting yourself is not the best idea, however, the damage done was nothing ever more than small scars on my hand which have now gone away. This might have been really effective because it stimulated negative feedback for my anger and honestly it worked like a parent’s spanking. Other ideas for getting out hate and anger are things like boxing and other sports. I really don’t know if you can utilize these methods with your condition, but maybe they’ll help. Possibly lower testosterone level and excessive engergy that will maybe prevent your condition from doing hateful things.