Firstly, what a brilliant forum this is!
I have planned my suicide for over 2 years, I’ve been ‘depressed’ (but I would call it enlightened) for 12 years, each year it becoming more and more unbearable to live in this world. I gave up my job and have spent the past few months cutting my ties with my friends and family so that my death wouldn’t affect them deeply. My friends and family are all very much of this material existence anyway and so my death will not affect them anywhere near as much as this existence has affected me for 12 years. So, I’m in my final few days, I have cut all my ties, I have no money now and I’ve not paid my rent which was due yesterday or my utility bills. There’s nothing in this world that even scratches the surface of the happiness required for my soul to be free (I know that sounds very hippy of me). So today I sat down with a cup of tea and realised that right that second I was really happy and content. Peace and happiness can be found in just a stillness and simplicity of a moment, it’s there for everyone to enjoy and best of all, it’s completely free. However, I knew this anyway, but it just made me feel that what a damn shame it is that I need to actually die to really obtain that freedom, because this is not allowed in this world. Sure you can enjoy it for a moment, but only as a short break and then you must get back to work. If I was to enjoy more days like this or more weeks, my future would consist of me being evicted from my home and ending up in court over my unpaid bills and having no food to eat because I wouldn’t be entitled to any financial benefits due to giving up my job of my own accord.
It’s a shame that to LIVE, you HAVE to be a slave to the system. No real freedom, so therefore – no real joy or peace is allowed here. What a horrible thought, a truly horrible thought. I just researched people like monks that choose to live on mountains and meditate, but apparently it seems this system has now called them in too, their peace and joy also now has a big toll attached to it. Monks never wantedt to be a part of this material world so how dare they be forced to now! Since when did peace have a hefty price? How dare this world rob us blind of our peace and true purpose for living!