Hello there,
Firstly, what a brilliant forum this is!
I have planned my suicide for over 2 years, I’ve been ‘depressed’ (but I would call it enlightened) for 12 years, each year it becoming more and more unbearable to live in this world. I gave up my job and have spent the past few months cutting my ties with my friends and family so that my death wouldn’t affect them deeply. My friends and family are all very much of this material existence anyway and so my death will not affect them anywhere near as much as this existence has affected me for 12 years. So, I’m in my final few days, I have cut all my ties, I have no money now and I’ve not paid my rent which was due yesterday or my utility bills. There’s nothing in this world that even scratches the surface of the happiness required for my soul to be free (I know that sounds very hippy of me). So today I sat down with a cup of tea and realised that right that second I was really happy and content. Peace and happiness can be found in just a stillness and simplicity of a moment, it’s there for everyone to enjoy and best of all, it’s completely free. However, I knew this anyway, but it just made me feel that what a damn shame it is that I need to actually die to really obtain that freedom, because this is not allowed in this world. Sure you can enjoy it for a moment, but only as a short break and then you must get back to work. If I was to enjoy more days like this or more weeks, my future would consist of me being evicted from my home and ending up in court over my unpaid bills and having no food to eat because I wouldn’t be entitled to any financial benefits due to giving up my job of my own accord.
It’s a shame that to LIVE, you HAVE to be a slave to the system. No real freedom, so therefore – no real joy or peace is allowed here. What a horrible thought, a truly horrible thought. I just researched people like monks that choose to live on mountains and meditate, but apparently it seems this system has now called them in too, their peace and joy also now has a big toll attached to it. Monks never wantedt to be a part of this material world so how dare they be forced to now! Since when did peace have a hefty price? How dare this world rob us blind of our peace and true purpose for living!
10 comments
The whole of this manipulated society, globally, is structured to make us fear, to make us have stress, to make us worry about tomorrow and feel guilty about yesterday, and forget about NOW. You have found ‘now’ and of course, there is always peace in the now. But society will not allow now, the leaders wanted rid of ‘now’ because there is far too much freedom there. Which is why anyone that stops for a moment must be treated for exhaustion and this involves medicine. If you stop for a moment then you need a ‘sick note’. If you live in the now so much that you become ‘depressed’ then you are treated with even heavier medicine to eradicate that as quickly as possible. But more than medicine, this fear factor that has been worked on for centuries is the most powerful tool that they have. For now anyone that does not comply is looked upon as ‘ill’ ‘unstable’ ‘dangerous’ it is even engraved on peoples minds that enlightenment of any kind is a bad place to be, people are quite literally TERRIFIED of becoming ‘mad’ so when they start to think for themselves, it scares them and they quickly want to return to complying. It cannot be reversed, it can only end.
Brilliant, honest and heartfelt post.
Please know that I kept nodding with every single sentence you’ve posted.
At least you (and I) know that we’re not alone,..so faraway yet so close!
What happens if we all do it, if everyone on this planet decides to take control of reality, I’m talking of reality, I’m talking about quantum physics, taking control of things from the quantum level up, from the molecular level up and it works? What we are dealing with is some kind of operating system that can be hacked. Our existence is no longer our own, it belongs to somebody else.
Life is like a ride at an amusement park, the ride goes up, it goes down and it twists and turns, it has bright lights, thrills and chills and it makes a lot of noise. And it’s fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they have stated to question whether it’s real or if it’s just a ride, and other people have remembered and they come back to us and remind us that it’s just a ride and not to worry.
Man: (you MAN, me woMAN) 🙂 sorry couldn’t resist.
Are you saying that we can get off the ride anytime we choose? (death) or that we must stay on until the ride ends. Or, that the whole thing is an illusion (the ride) and none of it matters either way (live or die) so if that was the case, if the ride (life) is really painful and horrible, you are in the right mind to get off? (die)?
Tim: wow, thanks, someone that thinks like me.
Niki: Yep so close and yet so far, but then even is we were in the same building our circumstances wouldn’t be changed, it would take at least half the population to change things and I’ve studied it, we’re no where close!
I could not have worded this better as my own post x
this is soo true, i teared up reading it 🙂
This post is amazing Monica! The most perfect description of how I feel. And for me it confirms that intelligent and nice people are suicidal and not ‘nutters’ like people would have us think. The world will surely be missing a precious child x
I share your exact feelings Monica, and I hope something amazing and miraculous comes into your life so this will not all have been in vain. You are a beautiful person and you deserve your dreams to come true, whatever it takes!
Excellent post and I could not agree with you more about every point you have made. I constantly feel like I am living to work. Should not a person work as a part of their life and not the essence of their life? The funniest part about this is the disgusting irony of the situation.
First, in my current situation I am pretty poor. I live paycheck to paycheck and struggle to have the things that I need to survive. I am constantly worried about money and the what if’s, what if my car breaks, what if I get sick (no health care), etc. Then it just seems like our materialistic society rubs my face in my lack of success. Just today I was feeling pretty low and scared about money as usual. I was sitting at a red-light and the intersecting road’s turn lane was turning into the lane running parallel to my own. Into this lane drove a magnificent brand new red Lamborghini (a probably half million dollar automobile) driven by a man my age who was laughing and enjoying life with the stunning woman who was a passenger in the car with him. Kick in the nuts…
However, the second facet to this irony is the fact that even this dude with a hard ass ride, beautiful female companion, and untold sums of money at his dispose, is probably not truly happy either. In fact I bet there are many times when as he’s sitting in traffic in his half million dollar car he’s feeling just as shitty about himself and his life as I was today. I bet he sees a pair of homeless people on the street laughing and smiling and wonders how they are happy and why he cannot feel the same way.
So it seems like the ultimate Catch 22. Most of us will have to work as slaves to a system we despise for the rest of our lives just struggling to survive. We will only be allowed small glimpses of peace and happiness and then, as you so wisely stated, it’s back to work. Yet, even if somehow I won the lottery or was awarded a huge lump sum cash settlement I know that I would probably be unhappy still just for other reasons. I would still be living in a society and world that I find shameful and want no part of. I would probably loath myself even more because I would realize that as I now preach anti-materialism, once economically able, I ran to it for salvation. Deep down I know money will not cure my depression. There’s that old axiom, “Money can’t buy happiness,†well it damn sure seems like it could get me closer to it than struggling and living to work.
Sigh…
I think I have gotten off topic, just some thoughts for the discussion. Truly great post though. Please don’t check out! The world needs insightful people like you Monica-. Try coming here and reading and posting it has helped me a great deal.
You are absolutely correct. One cannot stop long enough to have a moment of peace in the so called modern society. It is more like civilized-barbarism. The nonsense day after day, the ridiculous comments of greeting “have a nice day or how are you” followed by “fine” Even when a person is NOT fine they must chant this mantra on cue. WE all follow the script and do not permit any type of hurt or pain to reach our “well trained”ears. I am sick to death of work work work and smile smile smile. It is as if we are in some sick “Stepford world”. Some of us are suffering with broken hearts, death of loved ones, pain of broken friendships and families, medical problems etc. and ALL this so called modern world and the leaders of it can do is create a shallow phony system. So I guess we all must remain in a middle school/elementary school mentality in order to fit in this world. I for one have had enough and will not live here another year. My plan is that I will NOT breath another breath nor see 2011.