The Secret
I was so beautiful
So happy and so kind
My family thought the world of me
But I had something to hide
I’d eat my meal
Bit by bit
I’d chew each piece
With my every whit
Then I’d open the door
Knell on the ground
Lift up the seat
And make my daily rounds
Vomit smell fills the air
Sink water falls
Choking sounds are made
But left unheard in the hall
I sigh with realive
I take a good stare
Make sure it’s all out
Then fix my hair
I’m getting thinner my the minuet
Getting thin and white
I need to keep it a secret
No one knows my fight
I cry when I’m alone
Smile when I’m not
Trying to make the mirror happy
I think I’ve got a shot
I’m throwing my life down the toliet
This is how I cope
I know I need help
But I have no hope
4 months after I wrote this poem I was diagnosed with Bulimia Nevosa and was put into a treatment center for eating disorders. I went through intense therapy and was watched before, during, and after meals. The doctors told me that I’d lost 70 pounds from the point I’d started the binge and purge cycle until now. They told me that I’d severely damaged my esopagus. I’d damaged my internal organs. In the beginning of my treatment I refused to go with the treatment plan. I was so obsessed with my disorder I didn’t care if I died or not. But after a few weeks I started to make progress. Everytime I went through a meal without purging was celebrated. Everytime I went a day without binging was a high five. Everytime I gained a pound was a party. 63 days after being addmitted, I was discharged. It’s been almost 3 months since I was realised. I’m still struggling with my disorder, but I am in control now. And I now have family to support me.
2 comments
Congratulations!! Well done!
That’s really encouraging.