2nd post about my depressed and suicidal girlfriend.

I’m really in a bad way.

I posted something on here a few days ago about my girlfriend being really depressed and talking about suicide. A couple of people commented, but I can’t find that post now, I guess they’re only visible for a day or so. 

I just wanted to update my post.

Yesterday early morning was a living nightmare, it started with me suggesting that we go for a walk, it ended up being a 3 hour long argument with her crying and saying really weird stuff throughout. It really freaked me out. I went to the bathroom and as I sat down I suddenly had a really awful feeling and goosebumps came up all over me, it was weird. I went into the kitchen and I really don’t know how to describe this on a website or whether I even should, but I am going mad here. She had taken a large kitchen knife and stuck it into her chest. Not only that, as soon as she saw me she panicked and pushed the knife right into herself pretty much full length. She was staring at me the whole time. 

It’s so fucking weird describing this now because although I was completely shitting my pants and terrified beyond words, I managed to seem calm, I didn’t want to panic her! I backed off and really calmly called an ambulance, then I went over to her and told her the ambulance is on it’s way. She sat on the floor crying and we never spoke a single word the whole time waiting for the ambulance. 

She is in hospital and is also under a psychiatrist who has said that it is likely she will be sectioned under the mental health act. But he can’t tell me anything more because apparently all she will say to anyone is ‘no comment’  She wont allow visits from me. 

Not only do I have this exorcist vision of my girlfriend now, I also have no idea what the future holds. I’ve been hoping for such a long time to see the old her, and yet, now I don’t think the ‘old her’ even exists anymore. This episode will haunt me forever. I have no idea what to do. 

And another really weird thing that happened was, when I returned from the hospital, there was a commotion in the hallway of our apartment block, our downstairs neighbor had been found dead, he’d committed suicide. I feel like I’m trapped inside a sick nightmare.