Anorexia: a living nightmare.

You wanted me perfect. It all started when I od on those diet pills because I saw no progress, until I started to faint, constantly. I try to gain wait, but slowly my weight decreases. The good thing is that I’m not skinny, just thin; the doctor says that since I don’t have the nutrients my body needs, it’s eating my body slowly. Somehow I noticed this change in my body; I started with this cold thing, I always felt cold and my body was actually cold. After a few months my hair wasn’t as soft and pretty like before, and then I started losing my interest in foods. I was worrying about my weight, I stared at myself for at least and hour to see ifmy bones stuck out. But no. No changes. Not yet. A year after my lips used dry a lot, my cheekbones were now very visible, sleeping was torture due to the fact my bones against the bed was a pain. The lightheaded feeling and fainting had to stop, otherwise I was going to be taken back to the hospital. So when I started dating again, he always made me eat. I didn’t feel hungry, I never did. I felt guilty, so I ran to the bathroom and let the guilt out of my stomach. I try my best to not throw up, and let the sick feeling in me. Now I check for nutrition facts, buy xs-s clothing; if don’t fit I make myself in the clothes. My pretty hands aren’t so pretty as before, those slender fingers now have nails that break with the slightest movements. No matter how much I sleep, eyebags will stay with me. Everytime I see myself, I see every bone, I feel every part that’s sticking. Getting thinner everyday but trying to make myself think straight, I keep thinking I look pretty. Now my heart beats slower and have chest pains. I used to say beauty starts by being healthy; now I’m just in the beginning, of being so not beautiful.