When I was 9, I was a cheerful child. My parents were rich, and brought me everything I wanted. I was popular at school and got high grades.Â
One night my brother, who was 12 at the time, raped me. I still don’t understand why he raped me, he wasn’t under any influence.
My parents found out, because I told them. My brother went to a youth court, and pleaded guilty. He’s since been in and out of jail, for drug use,Â sexual assault, and theft. He told me I ruined his life, and I know I did. It’s all my fault.
I never got over my brother raping me, and I became self conscious of myself all the time. I began to stop eating, and over exercising. Yes, I became anorexic. I’ve come out of anorexia at the start of this year, but my eating patterns are still unhealthy, mainly because drugsÂ reduce appetite.
I’ve always hung out with the wrong crowd. I met this guy, who I fell in love with. He gave me free meth, and I became addicted toÂ it, he told me it was good. We broke up last year, he never got over it. He still calls me, I never pick up, I block the number, he calls from another phone. He threatens to kill me, and he’s raped me after we broke up.
From the outside, I look normal. I still take pride in my appearance. I don’t go to school; my parents don’t know I dropped out. I still live with my parents.
I can’t see a future for me. I’ve tried to commit suicide twice, OD’d three times.
There’s no point in dying, there’s no point in living. The sooner my ex kills me the better.
I’m a pathetic excuse of a 16 year old; when I’m 6 feet under it’ll be easier.