I need help what am I to do please

okay so im only twenty and feel like i have had a life from hell and im not sure what to do so here i go. ever since i was little my mother used to manipuate me and my brother she is a compsive lair and to tell you the truth a complete ***** i dont even know who she is a person still to this day so from being a pon on her chess board and being raped by her boyfriend used to rape me and he did it for years and i never told a soul my dad met my step mom and she resented me because she thought i took away her youth cuz she started raising us when she was twenty one when i became sixteen i did my first attempof suicide the only reason i backed out after swallowing so many pills i didnt want my dad to find me. after that my family was afraid of me so i went to my mothers and within a week my boyfriend killed himself i wrecked my moms car my twin tried to kill himself and a man was trying to marry me and sacrifce me. he did multiple attempts of kidnap and tied a rope around my neck and i was lucky to have my knife on me at the time when i turned seventeen my mother decided she didnt want kids anymore and kicked me and my twin brother out he went into the army as i struggled to finish highschool homeless when i turned eightteen i moved into my boyfriends house he didnt know i was homeless for the longest time and no im losing him the only thing i have left and i dont know what to do were both angry all the time but he is the only consitent thhing in my life i no once hes gone im going to start spiraling down to where i once started  what do i do im so angry all the time i have three attempts off suicide under my belt i dont want anymore but i know once i lose myself i cant control myself