“I’m bored with it all “was winston churhill’s last words before he died, I dont need to save the world to realize how boring and sick it is, ive had my share.
you know, since the first day i remember, as far as memory stretches, not one day has passed that i didnt remind myself that tomorrow, is gonna be a better day, I’m 24 now, and I guess I finally figured, its not.
Maybe its the sense of belonging that I miss, people find it wierd, i was raised in a perfect family, in a perfect environment, good grades, good schools, good job, if you met me by chance,you’d probably be fooled too that I’m one of the luckiest guys, but take a walk inside, no one can see through my eyes, I can see through most people, I understand what they’re thinking and I’m always right, maybe that might sound arrogant, but its not, its just how I learned things. Now, why am I like this? Why can’t I ever belong? simple, I’m not designed to live in this place, my interests are not in this world, things like true love, faith, belief, hard and honest work, I cant.. even when i try, i cant do otherwise, n what do i do? hurtmyself over n over again for people that are not worth it, I had a gf I loved, her life was crap, I was there, I gave her all she ever needed to get out of it, I was the one in her darkest hours, what did i get? not even a word of grartitude, she just went on with her life cuz I was.. I dunt even know, she just wasnt there one day, and now, im dating others, n so she is, but it hurts me, i dunt love who i’m with, im distant from family, n this lonliness and the fake mask i wear to everybody else is just tearing me apart, I miss her everyday, and today is our aniversary, n I cant help if to think if shes thinking of me, truth is probably shes out having fun with some guy in a dark alley, i still remember how cold it ended, i still remember how i fell that night cuz i couldnt stand, i stil remember being in the hospital for 2 month out of being ill, i still remember insomnia, i still remember all the pain, but its gone now, its been a year were done, we run seperte lives and thats how the story goes. further more, its not cuz of her, its cuz i didnt fail true love, but true love failed me.
Over the years my parents lost my trust, my friends lost my trust, n worst of all, god has lost my trust. why, why on earth did he create all this? its a sick game, lets begin with 2 options, 1. god has created the world, 2. it just happened by some coincedence, for option number one, i refuse to be in a sick game for someone to watch n laugh about people killing each other n starving to death n being hurt everyday, its a vicious circle n we all know it, every empire fell, every story died, everything ends n it never ends in a good way, if u love her n she dies/leaves ur scarred forever, n if u marry her be sure ull be bored of her before u die, its one hell of a sick game i dunt wana be apart of, option number 2? i refuse to be an animal eitehr, id rather be dust. Nihilism, the word that describes my state, n it didnt come over night, its the result of days n days of purposelessness, if thats even a word, its all in vain, I dunt want to be a part of this world
so the finale? I cant commit suicide, ive 2 very loving parents n its unfair i do that to them being thier only son, and honostly spoken I dont wanna die, Ive just reached a state where its the only solution, n I’m a man who does whats in his head, death is my purpose, n I’m gonna achieve it sooner rather than later.
You’ll c me in your dreams, as the guy who made it to the other side n never regereted. peace.
6 comments
morbid,
What made you special ?
She dates another, and you date others.
What others whom you date may feel of you.
Not true in heart !
Everybody lost your trust ?
It’s sad and only that after you’ve lost your very own !
You can see through most people ?
Do you see of yourself that you made 4 posts, but same, but bored or attention seeking ?
You adopted Winston Churchill’s quote, but didn’t even respect him of giving him at least the Capital letters.
You know things of people that don’t.
What made you special then ?
If you don’t even know your purpose in this life.
But I do.
I came in purpose to this life to finish my unfinished business.
The one and only deja-vu I met at around 21, devastating me.
She didn’t recognize me a bit.
So my life was done ?
Yes, my original purpose of my possessiveness of my past life is done, after many years of finally realized.
But not my real purpose of being a soul, is to learn to discard of any possessive thoughts.
The debts of past life are done, but not the debts I’ve accumulated in this life.
That’s why I’m still here working it out.
You don’t cut a tree to make table, and just let the log sit rotten without really turning it into use.
If you are a park lounge chair nobody sits, then have to relocate yourself to another favorite park you like.
People you meet are just like favorite movies to watch, but you don’t watch it many times to bore yourself.
Only the ones that are worthwhile to be into your life, then you should turn yourself into a blockbuster director to direct your own new movies for each special cast.
My family don’t need me, then I’ve come into this big family.
Many times they just listened without a word and carrying on with their own life.
Was I depressed at the start ?
Yes, but not now.
As long as I’ve served my purpose of help, and that’s enough.
I’ve paid my dues as if a kind family member will offer.
Ultimately it’s their life, their say to their own, and I do respect that.
As long as I’m conscientiously upright, I can walk in my smile.
that was beautiful, fireflieslite.
Some popular sayings/quotes to give strength & encouragement:
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.†– Maria Robinson
‘Nothing we can do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future.†– Ashleigh Brilliant
“Be the Change you wish to see in the world†– Mahatma Gandhi
“it’s never fun at the end of our lives to say we have lived the dreams of others” – Joe Jahn
“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.†– Tony Robbins
“Life is as meaningful as you make it.”
I will always see you as the man who is the average joe and doesn’t have anything to actually complain about farwell..
Oh if you are looking for a more positive comment try not spamming your post 3 times in a row, everything gets buried fast enough and it’s disrespectful to others on here.
But i guess someone who comes off as self centered as you wouldnt notice. yet claim to be so upset about the world , hypocritical.
It was an error of connection that made it post 3 times. I didnt even realize. n do you think i really care about capital letters?
average joe.
and fireflieslite, after your revelation, all you learned was to be so proud of what you got? trust me you’re just fooling yourself with some well arranged words. reading what you poste again, I’d say you’ve some good stuff to say,, but read it yourself, do u see it relevant?or in anyhow addresses what i wrote? you say i cant see through myself, i dunt, n its pretty clear to interpret, n being with out a purpose? i said that myself, so what are you tring to prove? that we can do it, such as yourself? like i said, foolish, and add arrogant.
morbid,
very well.
Finally you see that you are not to be upset for being different or abnormal or arrogant.
There is a really the most weird and the most arrogant son of the .. should be damned in life.
And that’s me, not you at all.