I found this site after googling what the best way to kill myself would be…. I was looking for a way that is ensured to be successful, without a great deal of pain. Death is a scary thought, but I’m beginning to feel like it’s my only option.
I’ve read some posts and comments on this site, and it seems that so many people are saying to “turn your life over to Christ” or some other Christian message. Well.. I’m not a Christian, so that option’s out.
I’ve thought about turning my life around, you know a whole “180,” starting over somewhere new… but I’ve no idea where I’d go, and that costs money, which I don’t have.
I’m currently living with some roommates in a large city, but I’ve never felt more alone. My mom died from cancer this summer, and my family just split apart. My dad is (and has always been) entirely out of the picture, my brother and sister won’t return my calls, and even my friends don’t want anything to do with me. I don’t understand why.
I’ve never been a bad person. I’m polite, nice, responsible, straight A student… but for some reason, no one in my life wants to spend even an ounce of time with me. Maybe I’m not as good of a person as I had thought. I’m through with this. Most days I can’t even get out of bed. I go weeks without leaving my apartment. I just can’t face the outside world anymore. I’m so sick of being rejected at every turn.
I’ve put some thought into this, and I think I’m going to buy a bus ticket, go somewhere far away, and OD/suffocate myself. I don’t want anyone I know to have to find my body… hence the bus ticket.
I’m not even sure why I’m posting this here, but writing it down does help a bit.
6 comments
Venting always does help. I’m here just to linger. I mean, I considered suicide but never followed through with my thoughts. So I’m not much to really give any advice since I hardly cannot sympathize with most of the people who post here.
Although, I am up for a chat if you ever need someone to talk to.
albert.j.robinson@live.com
This might sound like a load of philosophical gibberish, but I’ll say it anyway: know that you are not alone – society has attempted to shut out problems like this, making the sizeable number of people who suffer each and every day feel like some freakish minority. For what it’s worth, my heart goes out to you. I won’t say what you should do, thats something you have to decide for yourself. But there is always a solution – it’ll become apparent. Hope things work out for you, whatever way you choose it to be.
Sandman1988 is right your not alone. There’s pently that feel like you do everyday. You should never overdose because of rejection from other people. Just like you for being you. We could do with some nice polite people in this world so it would be a shame if you had gone. You would be missed.
You have to trust me when I said this: You are NOT alone.
I can completely relate with many things that you said, ie: ‘very nice’ person, yet have so little friends (don’t know why!..my guess: both of us live in a ‘different’ world and thoughts than most “normal” people, unfortunately), want to go overseas and start anew.
Society in this earth often will only rewards those who can obey and follow the ‘System’, even if that means to reward those dullest, flatest, yet most corrupt, dirtiest, con-trickiest, aggressive kind of people/humans, and ALL for the wrong reasons.
But hey….the cold hard truth though, is probably this: We only live for seemingly one purpose only: SURVIVAL and CONTINUATION of our species. So it’s “the strongest who will survive”. The weak?…either live miserably, or die quickly.
But you know, I for one, am always, always grateful for those ‘weak’ ones,
because it’s usually THEM who have the most hidden-potentials, talents, and even the BEST Visions on how this whole Humanity should progress.
They often are the ones who’re able to FEEL deeply (and thus, regarded as “too weak” sometimes, or “not aggressive enough”,…see the pattern here?), IMAGINE too-strongly (our society often doesn’t need imaginations, only want the most PRACTICAL things, alas!), SMART (society doesn’t like too-smart people also, ouch!).
What I see is: sometimes along the human and planet’s history of ours, these ‘weak’, ‘outcast’ could RISE -given the right time and place- and contribute some GREAT things that would always benefit and make humanity progress forward!
“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.â€
– Steve Jobs
People like you are the reason why I still have what little faith left in humanity. As others have already said, you’re one of the good people out there and trust me, we need more people like you. Your life is your own decision, but I hope you can find a way and continue to live so you can contribute something great for this world.