I found this site after googling what the best way to kill myself would be…. I was looking for a way that is ensured to be successful, without a great deal of pain. Death is a scary thought, but I’m beginning to feel like it’s my only option.
I’ve read some posts and comments on this site, and it seems that so many people are saying to “turn your life over to Christ” or some other Christian message. Well.. I’m not a Christian, so that option’s out.
I’ve thought about turning my life around, you know a whole “180,” starting over somewhere new… but I’ve no idea where I’d go, and that costs money, which I don’t have.
I’m currently living with some roommates in a large city, but I’ve never felt more alone. My mom died from cancer this summer, and my family just split apart. My dad is (and has always been) entirely out of the picture, my brother and sister won’t return my calls, and even my friends don’t want anything to do with me. I don’t understand why.
I’ve never been a bad person. I’m polite, nice, responsible, straight A student… but for some reason, no one in my life wants to spend even an ounce of time with me. Maybe I’m not as good of a person as I had thought. I’m through with this. Most days I can’t even get out of bed. I go weeks without leaving my apartment. I just can’t face the outside world anymore. I’m so sick of being rejected at every turn.
I’ve put some thought into this, and I think I’m going to buy a bus ticket, go somewhere far away, and OD/suffocate myself. I don’t want anyone I know to have to find my body… hence the bus ticket.
I’m not even sure why I’m posting this here, but writing it down does help a bit.