i will never be free from this hell… free from myself. the pit is deep and im at the bottom. i long for help but pride keeps me from asking. so i wallow in the peace i find in the most base and depraved of places. my rage binds me to my sins. they hold me down, where the monster of my conscience reminds me I AM NOTHING! i scream, for deliverance and beg for forgivness only when i am sure NO ONE IS LISTENING! so the lies carry over. my spirit remains bitter. the flames of dispair unquenched and the pain of my soul irrevocaly unending. so deep is my grief i dare not believe for a second it could pass. there is hope knocking at my door, but i turn away my heart and run to the darkness of my thoughts. it searches me out but i dare not let it find me. in my mind. in the maze. a new problem every moment. psychoannalysis… this will never end. when did it begin? if it doesn’t end tonight it will be a long life.
i break my own heart. i hate myself for holding myself back, but i cant help it. theres always that voice in my head saying “don’t shoot for the stars you might miss and hit someone you love”. its better not to try. better not to. better not to live. better to just survive. drowning in the silence i fill the air with screams. my life is a mess! I HATE! I HATE! I FAIL! I FAIL! DEATH COMES EASY. DEATH CAN COME QUICKLY. to be, or not to be? NOT TO BE! NOT TO BE!
I dont know where i am anymore, who i am anymore…
i can go ahead and cry. that doesn’t solve shit!
i don’t want to die. i really don’t.
i know whatever happens i’m gonna stick it out and show this mother fucking world a thing about me! i maybe fucked up! and i may never be able to forgive myself! and i may always hate myself! but i won’t give up!
i will stand up and SING IT!
7 comments
preach it stand up and sing it wow this is good i like it a lot
i LOVE THIS. SO. MUCH.
thanks
sorry that probably sounded weird. i meant that i love that youll stand up and sing. i just get that, along with all the other stuff unfortunately 😛 but if youd like to talk, my email is klashingk@yahoo.com
i just found this inspirational.
so thank you for posting it.
this is amazing…wow.
Honestly, this is what I like about this website.
This is deep and strangely also so empowering.
I will sing it too,
So let’s all sing together!!
klashingkamille you made me smile. lol i knew what you meant. and thank you all.
and niki i totally agree this website is perfect. you can say things on here that if you said them anywhere else people would make a cutting joke and walk away. they don’t care about us. which is why we gotta help each other out!