Tonight is another lonely night for me. Ma Sleeping on Couch. Me Disgusted with myself and feeling sick all over again. Sick of myself, the way I continue to live my life.  I’m sick of My  appearance, My attitude, My feeling of overwhelming stress and the feeling of what path to walk down. I am stuck at a crossroad, Of who I want to be and who I’m meant to be.  I am Not feeling suicidal at the moment, like many other moments, but Is life worth living if you aren’t happy or feeling  fulfillment? Why am I not happy? I want to be normal. Normal seems like a word that most people wouldn’t want to be labeled, But I wonder sometimes… Who am I? What In life am I supposed to Do? How and why this & that… Soo Many questions, No answers. I understand I’m Young, But I feel that time itself is moving without me. The universe Forgetting that I ever existed. Not giving a Damn. It’s like I’m walking in a desert feeling sorry for myself and nothing or no one remembers me.  People Die & are reborn, So, why care about me?  It’s the cycle of Live . I want to Believe in Something. Something that…. Believe’s in me also, Something that I can have so called “Faith” about. Am I wrong not to believe in God? Or if not to believe have the Fear of what will happen if I do start to believe? I wish Answers were given as easily as questions are questioned.
– BlueWolf
6 comments
“Not a slave to a God that doesn’t exist and I’m not a slave to a world that doesn’t give a fuck.” – Marilyn Manson
I heard that from Anna. I figure you could use it.
Anyway, this is how I see it. You are given life. What you do with that life is entirely up to you. You aren’t born with a purpose. Throughout life you create a purpose for your self and take it. Fulfill the purpose you’ve created for yourself.
You’re not wrong to not believe in God.
Ask yourself, “What makes me happy? What makes me feel normal? What can I do to help make me feel happy and normal?”
Once you find those answers to yourself, you’ll know what’s worth living for (Yourself if you fail to notice..).
Love the Quote! I will use use it. Thanks.
The answers I can’t seem to find, But I will try.
What you do with that life is entirely up to you.
Gotta disagree with you GoingUp2Down, as some simply can’t achieve their goals due to bad luck, being born broke and of humble station, and due to illness. You never know what kind of card you’ll be dealt, and unfortunately our goals are often thwarted. I think that we have much less control over our lives than people care to think.
I do agree with you though–and to Bluewolf too–that you are absolutely not wrong to believe in God. This is your own choice, and one that you will have regardless, barring complete and utter madness. Having faith has nothing to do with being religious. You can have faith in people, in yourself, in nature, in art, in the simple fact of existence.
Also, don’t worry about being normal. Don’t waste your time–most normal people are zombies.
Embrace who you are, as someone who is inevitably unique. No one will ever be exactly like you, ever again, so start there.
I would also take the Myers-Briggs test if you haven’t. You sound like the INFP type and reading about this kind of person may be a great source of guidance for you.
Very best!!
A.
Thanks for the response, I appreciate it and I will take the test 😉
I feel the same way as you, lost…. if you want to talk more about how we feel and try and figure this out, even a little, together… please let me know!
Yea Lets Talk! that sounds like a good plan.
Thanks.