Well this is my story, I’m from Mexico but it started on summer 2008 when I was on vacations in Disney, Orlando FL… I met 2 girls from Venezuela there, Victoria and Stephany they were best friends. I gave ’em my facebook so they could add me later, they were really nice to me, well that happened and me and Victoria started to have a good relationship later when I add her in msn in 2009, we were really closed friends, too close that she even invited me to venezuela and i invited her to mexico, we used to talk about music, piercings, parties and that stuff, and she even used to tell me how was it going with her ex boyfriend and her parents, sad stories about that, she was suffering a lot… the fact is that once she told me that she was panning on commmiting suicide, it was on november 2009… I didn’t believe her, I just told her that everything was going to be ok, but she knew it wasn’t… that has been the worst mistake i’ve ever had… and just like she said, she commited suicide 3 weeks later, and yes it was all planned, one week after her best friend’s birthday and one week before her ex boyfriend’s birthday… and i don’t know if i was the only person that knew that, maybe she told it to me because she knew i couldn’t seek help for her… and now i can remember one of the worst moments of my life that is when i saw stephany’s (victoria’s best friend) status “victoria you were the best friend i could ever had thanks for everything, i hope you found what you were looking for… some peace”… it broke my heart, now since then i’m living with the idea that if i would have helped her, by telling stephany or something like that, she would still be here… now i am who lives in a depression… just 2 weeks after it happened (final days of december) i started to think about suicide, it is horrible living with that idea, and i miss her soooooo much! I don’t know why I feel guilty about her death but i do… 1 month after that I started looking up for information in internet about sleeping pills that cause death more effectively and also started drinking by my own in my room… victoria used to do that too, i don’t know why i couldnt see she was THAT depressed… now i think i’m doing better, i stopped that but i still live with the idea that i could have done something to help her and it kills me, and i think i will have to deal with it each and every day… now every single thing that makes me feel bad makes me want to commit suicide, it’s horrible living like this…
2 comments
You are a suicide survivor, and the idea of suicide has been thrown into your life. I can sit here and type a hundred reasons why your friends death was not your fault but am sure you heard it all. What i can tell you is that you know first hand the pain someone feels when someone else dies like that. You also gained great empathy for your friend, you know how she feels before she died. My advice be now that you know her pain, live the life she cant anymore. Take her death with you as a message of the sad world we live in, with the many people just begging for help they cant get, and do your own part to make one less person in such need, save yourself.
Hello, I know partly how you are feeling. A friend of mine committed suicide last year and coming to terms with it was horrible as even though we weren’t so close we spent time together in hospital so I knew the pain she was going though. When I hadn’t heard from her in a while I feared the worst….and I was right, she had taken an overdose. All that went through my brain was I should have done something to help her, why didn’t I do more? Why? Why? Why? I have now come to realise that I couldn’t have saved her….and this is the same for you too, if someone is adament on taking their own life they will do so no matter what….and to tell you the truth I am glad she is out of pain and suffering and is in a better place now, as this world is not so nice