I posted a post about how life gets better, and other things. Well, I guess my life got a lot worse :/ a couple nights ago, I felt like I was completely alone in the world, and nobody fully understood how I felt.. I told my friend about it but it seems like she completely blew me off 🙁 I texted a bunch of other people but they didn’t text back.. Even if I said” Hey, I need your help :(”. It’s like they didn’t even care. Maybe I’m over-reacting, but I don’t think I am. I don’t think I have any hope. Or any true friends. I’ve recently started getting made fun of at school, I got called the C word a couple days ago because I wouldn’t share my answers to a test with this preppy kid. And then I got called emo twice in under 15 seconds, literally. That hurt a lot. Then, last but not least….. this girl came up to me and said” cut it with a razor, that seems to be your thing” :// it really pisses me off when preppy people judge other people who cut/use to cut because they don’t know how it feels, but yet they still judge. Cutting is NOTHING to laugh about, it’s a serious problem.
Everyone looks to me to handle their problems, and I usually suck it up and give them my best advice, and when I do that I feel like I’m a hypocrite, because why should I tell someone advice when I can’t listen to it myself? I can’t handle my problems at all. Not one bit. And I hate that feeling, knowing that when something happens to me, I’m not strong enough to fight back. But over the past week or so, I’ve truly realized that the more you give in to the thing you’re dealing with, the worse it gets. Now that might sound a little bit scary, but it gives you something to truly fight for! I saw myself through the pain, and suffering, and now I’m fine. For now at least.
All my friends/family, etc, think I’m fine. But I’m really not. I feel like I’m dying on the inside, and outside. I feel like I’m a little girl inside of a teenager, screaming to get out. 2 nights ago, I was laying in bed, begging the Lord to take me. I wanted to go that much. I told my friend that, and she replied” It’s not your time to go! I don’t want you to go” but my question is, if she really cared, why did she ignore me for so long?
I’m not nearly as strong enough that I have to be to fight problems in life, and I’m terrified that someday, it will get so bad, that I’ll take my own life. All I’m asking you is, please, please, PLEASE, help me </3