a look around

every day i wake up n wonder how the day will be. if i will be happy or sad. I dont know if i am still in my depression or not. i Think i am. every day i always think and take a look around at life. i feel out of place. i look at other people through out the day and wonder if they feel like me or am i the only one. i see alot of people leading happy lives. i feel like im the only one with self hatred and so much anger inside me. it seems everyone else is able to focus on living there lives except me.  i cant tell if the world is a great place to be or if it is a sad place for me. i admire how the people i look up to live. there always happy and seem to be at peace with themselves. for me though that seems like a far fetched dream. i dont know if i will ever change and if it is pointless to keep trying.