No One Gets It!

Everyday I wake up and wish that I hadn’t. I’ve felt this way since I was at least 15, I am now 27. I’m on anti depressants, but they don’t seem to help much. My family ignores more. My mother belittles everyone in our house and I often wonder how my father has stayed with her all these years. I’m scared that I will slowly turn into her and that thought is always with me. What if I wake up one day and am as mean and as hypocritical as her. It seems like everything I do is wrong and I can’t take it much longer. I thought by now I would have my own place to live and a great job and maybe a boyfriend who loved me. Instead I am still living with my parents, struggling to find a job even with my college degree (what a waste!), I’ve never had anyone, not ever a friend who gave a real dam about me. It always seemed like it was all about them. I had to be their therapists and make them feel good when I feel so miserable inside. I have tried to be more positive, but I just can’t. So instead I sit here writing this blog, hoping that just one person is listening and that maybe someone understands. I hate feeling this way, constantly numb inside, worthless, stupid, ugly, fat, useless. The worst part is that no one even really notices or asks me how I am. I’m tired of wearing a fake smile on my face when all I want to do is cry, but even the tears won’t come, that is how numb and empty I feel. I am just a waste of space that maybe soon won’t be here anymore!