I couldn’t stay away long. Haha!
It’s Friday night at 9:30, just sitting here wondering how much longer I can hang in there.
Between zoning out, reoccuring massive headaches, shoulder pain from a sledding accident… my shoulder, my right one, now clicks when I move it, bone on bone? no cartilidge?… dead end job, depression and failed educational plans don’t know how much more I can take. Earlier my head hurt so bad I was considering taking a “few” Unisom… not enough to do me in but enough to knock me out for a day or two. Unfortunately that would also land me in lock up at the psych ward at the hospital. The only unit left in the city and it’s within walking distance…. Haha, wouldn’t you know it?…. Ahhh, what can I say life sucks.
Thought about going to my doctor for the headaches but I’m not really crazy about him… kind of embarrassing, but at my first… and only appointment, I was getting into that stupid, drafty gown when he walked in… without knocking! Um yeah, can we say mortified? And he’s like old enough to be my dad! That was really awkward!
I haven’t been back since. I called another practice my shrink recommended but they haven’t called back as to whether or not they will take me on as a patient.
I don’t want to just go to anyone or even someone that’s “recommended”, guess you could say I have major issues with doctors. When I was 24 I had gone for a test for carpal tunnel, I had cut so much and so deep that they thought I had done some serious damage. The probes and the electric jolts hurt so bad… it was either laugh or cry. I knew if I started crying I wouldn’t stop, so I was laughing, a nervous, pain filled laugh. The doctor, a huge guy with as much bulging out from under his belt as over it, got mad at me and grabbed my wrists… both of which have 3 really nasty looking scars each… on the pulse point, on the arteries, and said “this is nothing to laugh at!” I wanted to die then and there. He didn’t know the emotional pain that had driven me to the point of trying to cut off my hand or die trying, twice. He didn’t know what had driven me to the point of trying to cut the nerve in my wrists, not once but twice. He didn’t know what had driven me to the point of pin pointing the pulse on both wrists. Not sure why those attempts didn’t work… nurses don’t need to “find” my pulse during an exam… there’s an inch long by quarter inch scar that marks it.
Guess you could say I try something twice before moving on… lol.
Except for the OD… with that I tried 3 times in one summer.
Trying to at least hang in there until my son gets married, probably next summer sometime.
He plans on proposing to his girlfriend this summer and in her family they usually do a one year engagement.
Now, I’m trying to laugh instead of cry… but it’s not going very good. 🙁
Somehow everything just seems soooo, IDK…maybe pointless?
Anyone have any ideas?… Right now even corny jokes would be welcome, I’m desperate!
~ Good Journey ~
64 comments
Yeah… life can seem to be so pointless sometimes. Doctors, psychiatrists, and other “professionals” might not understand things unless they go through it themselves. Some just wanted to help people, so that’s why they get upset when someone tries to kill himself/herself.
Since your son is getting married, don’t you want to wait to see his grandchild? To hold that baby in your hands and help take care of him/her?
Hey sorry I can’t think of anything right now
I think I found stuff out about me that’s really sad
I do want to see my grandchildren but as he and his girlfriend are both in college I don’t know how long it will be until they have kids. He’s in public relations and finishes at the end of the summer, there’s a summer course he needs. However, he’s planning on getting his Master’s. His girlfriend now has two more years to go and she’s going into social work… she’s such a sweetheart! They’ve been dating 5 years, since they were 15 and 16.
I have a shrink that I get along with… for the most part. The thing is though he has this thing with checking his text messages and stuff on his phone during our sessions. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of, and yeah, I mentioned it to him before. He said “all you had to do was say something. I didn’t know it bothered you.” That was Jan 28,right before he went on vacation. When he came back after like the first session he asked “you don’t mind if I check this do you? It might be this one client…” he gives his clients his cell number for emergencies.
But he’s checking his messages at least once a session or just looking at something on it briefly and then puts it down.
It’s getting frustrating yet I don’t want to try and find another shrink, he’s a good friend at this point but this thing with the phone could be the final straw. Right now he’s the only thing really making me hang on. I can’t imagine NOT going there…. UGH!
@ sucks…I missed you, Kid! 🙂 and I don’t mean that condescendinly! I saw your post on Holly’s site.
It looks like you might have PTSD? Do you have a shrink or someone you can talk to that knows about this?
How you know it was me I talk to a therapist every two weeks
I had that with a classmate too. I went to study with my.. I guess you can call acquaintance now.. for our coming test and all she does it check her phone for text messages. I get how it can seem irritating.
I won’t tell you to not kill yourself, but I thought since you’re married and have kids, you would wanna see your grandchildren too or do something romantic with your husband? idk.
@ sucks… you’ve referrred to your real name on here and then when I was on Holly’s site I saw your post. I think you’re pretty, and I liked your profile pic. How are things going with the therapist? Do you like him, is there any sort of connection?
@ Deep abyss… yeah, it is annoying and I pay to be there. I get wanting to be there for your clients but what about the client that is sitting there at the time? You know? Besides that I really have to wonder how many of them are clients and how many are personal.
Yes, I do want to see my grandchildren…. but I guess that brings up something… don’t you want to see your children? Yeah, I know, soooo not the same but you know what I’m saying. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t end it now. There’s never really a good time to kill yourself.
As far as my hubby goes, I’m trying to hang in there… things are going better there than they have for a long time. I’m just so tired, in so much pain, and feel like I have no hope.
O ya I forgot that part
and it’s good I guess
I am just ready to find out what it’s called you know if it PTSD or something differnt
and thanks that pic was taken the weekend we spreaed my mothers ashes it was a sad weekend but a good one as well
I’m not even married… or even have a girlfriend… and still in school… so seeing my children is just way too long… and I can’t see anyone wanting a depressing and pessimistic person as myself anymore… and I can’t really trust anyone anymore… after placing all my trust on everyone and having that trust.. completely destroyed time and time again.
I get what you mean by that client thing. You can never really know if it’s just personal or not. How long are the sessions? and if you want to see your grandchildren.. then live. Some people get happiness in their grandchildren and stuff I think.
@ sucks… have you asked your therapist about this? When’s the next time you see him? And yeah, I get what you mean by it being a sad but good time.
@ Deep abyss… I don’t know what to say… right now all I can think about is how much I wish I were still in school, that I had the chance to live my life all over again. That I had the chance to do college. Before I didn’t know how to apply for loans and I was too shy to ask. I also had major problems with studying… I was in AP and honors classes but I didn’t learn the material, I had to memorize EVERYTHING which made it extremely difficult. It’s only now that I realize that what the problem was even then was depersonalization disorder, it feels like you’re dreaming or you’re only half paying attention, but you can’t focus anymore than you already are.
I just wish there was something I could do for you… I really feel like it’s too late for me, but if only there were something I could do for you!
The sessions are supposed to be 45 min, but it seems like it’s usually 5 after before he comes out to get me… but then again I don’t know if his clock and my watch are set the same going to check that on Mon.
I go 3 times a week… as Matt, the shrink says I have “kick-ass” insurance.
The one REALLY good thing about my job.
Yes, I want to see my grandchildren… but I don’t want to fight my way through every day anymore.
i have not
i just kinda learn what it was after i had scrated my arm this past week trying ot get the epicode to stop.
today i had taken a razor to school so if i had it again i could just do it and draw blood this time but i didnt need to i kinda wanted to thou i guess its good i didnt thow
I had AP and honors classes before too… but I just completely stopped trying to pick those classes. I can’t concentrate in school anymore. I sit in the front and still fall asleep. I’m pretty sure some teachers are ticked cause of that. I used to be in about 7-8 clubs and a sport in my old school, but now I’m not really doing anything anymore. School just… doesn’t seem fun to me or anything. I see people laughing and smiling with each other, and I just realize how lonely my life is now.
If it’s 45 minutes… I don’t see how he can’t hold texting them back. It’s not that long. If he really had to.. I would think he would only do that on some sessions and not all. It’s rude to do that to a patient. It only shows how much you don’t care about that patient.
Yeah.. I guess I get what you mean.. about fighting your way through each day. Even if you don’t want to see your grandchildren… don’t you have a husband you can do things with? go to the beach together or just lie down together at a park? or something?
Nice to see you back 🙂 Yeah its hard to stay away this site becomes quite addictive
Hey guys, it’s really funny how all four of us keep going back and forth between these two posts…. this is the most fun I’ve had in a long time! 🙂
@ sucks… I used to cut because of the zoning out with the depersonalization disorder, although I didn’t know what it was at the time. I knew that it was the only thing that “brought me back”. There were times I thought I was going to lose my mind.
The zoning out is getting bad again, but I can’t cut because of my job. I have to be able to lift clients and with my arm cut I wouldn’t be able to especially with a watch on which was how I hid the one spot. And idk, now I don’t know that I would be able to… I came so close to going too far too many times. I don’t want to do this until I’m absolutely sure and I sure don’t want my kids to find me… it’d be bad enough to have my husband find me.
Just be careful with taking it to school, you don’t want to get expelled and make a bad situation worse… and then everyone at school would know and that could make it really tough!
@ Deep abyss…. yeah the not being able to concentrate is why I decided I won’t be able to go back to school. Something Matt had suggested was that it might be a form of ADHD… if you can go to your pcp and tell him maybe you’d be able to get some meds that would help.
Yeah, I get the going from being so physically active to not wanting to do anything anymore… not caring.
Mon I think I’ll talk to Matt again about the phone thing. If I don’t I’m going to end up getting frustrated and quitting and he’s what’s keeping me here.
My hubby spends a lot of time on his laptop and goes to bed early and gets up early. Things are a lot better than they were but now it’s like I have suicide on the brain… like I’m stuck and can’t get out.
@ crying… Thanks, good to see you again,too. Yeah, it very definitely gets addictive.
ya i know thats why i made sure it was where no onw would think of where it was.
in my ipod case its really sweet haha.
ya i am trying not to go back either. its really hard for me to start it again
wow that sounds so lame
Once you get suicide in your head… it is kinda difficult to think otherwise. Idk if it is or not a form of ADHD, I just don’t seem so motivated anymore. I used to be motivated with this dream job I wanted to work towards, but I can’t really do that anymore, so I don’t feel so motivated. idk. I rather not take meds to treat things if I don’t really have to. I know it sounds weird… how I want to die but not try meds to make me better… but that’s how I feel… cause I’m sure there are lots of anti-depressants and everything out there… but idk if they’ll truly help.. they’ll just mask the pain as I take them.
I think you should talk to your husband and spend more time with him… if I was married, I would wanna spend lots of times with my wife and stuff. Just doing something like sitting at night watching stars together or just sitting holding hands or something would work.
Since it bothers you, you really should talk to Matt about it. It honestly sounds rude that he does that to someone who needs his help.
It’s hard for you to start cutting again?
No, that doesn’t sound lame…. the last time I cut was last year and it was a lot harder than i remembered and I didn’t go nearly as deep. That’s another reason why I didn’t start back up again… it was really hard.
ya i want to so bad but i guess with all the therapy and people caring about me its like i just cant
i even told my sister cuz they had did it and i was like well i wanna start again and they were kinds like why and them ok
@ Deep abyss… I know what you mean about not wanting to do meds even though they might help. I’m putting off the idea of meds for the idea of the ADHD, even though they’re my last shot at being able to do school.
Even if they did help I don’t think I would be able to do school. I work full time and the classes are Tues. and Thurs. from 5:30 – 9:00 with approximately 21 hours of study/homework time a week. That wouldn’t take into account the fact I can’t concentrate. Afraid the motivation isn’t there.
As far as my hubby goes, things are better but we don’t spend any time holding hands… definitely not looking at the stars or laying on the beach.
Oh, well things are a lot better with him than they used to be.
It’s just I’m so tired of the day in and day out struggle.
And yeah, I’ll have to bring it up to Matt… again.
@ sucks… Yeah, cutting is hard to explain to someone who’s never done it.
To someone that has though, they totally understand… you can get to the point in your life where you don’t need to or even want to.
I hope you don’t start again… with me it didn’t take much before it was really deep and most of them I should’ve had stitches for. Now I have these scars on my wrists for the rest of my life. At least when I can keep them toward myself no one notices them.
@Journey & life sucks thin u die: I’m kind of an idiot, so idk this.. so… why do you cut yourself and what does that do again? I’ve known people to do that, but I’m not sure why they do. I haven’t tried cutting myself yet, so I would kinda know why you would and what it does. Besides trying to kill yourself by it.
@Journey: Working full time and taking classes and dealing with all this is kind of a difficult situation. I don’t have a full time job and probably won’t live long enough to have one, so I can’t relate to that… but I can relate to the can’t concentrate. Without motivation.. it just isn’t so easy.
How about ask your husband to do those things with you then? I dont’ think those are really difficult to do. And since you don’t really have to pay anything to do them, you don’t have to worry about the economic side of it. Then again, maybe you and your husband aren’t really into do something so corny like that or like something so simple like that. Even if you don’t.. there are other things to do too. Your husband can help you with hwk for class and you guys can be close and you can watch as your son as grandchildren and get a chance at happiness again.
true that.
i have done it for a year and a half and stop for a year and a half so i am on my third year
and i right now have no scars yay but i want a few
well for me it calmes me down and putes me to sleep and in a way it will erase my mined
and when i wanna cry it stopes me.
for a lot of people its not a way to die but a way to live
@ sucks… no, you don’t. Trust me on this one. They’re like a bad tatoo that you end up regretting. People end up judging you before they even have a chance to know you because they see the scars.
Only by the time you end up regretting them it’s too late!
ya everyone tells me that.
its strange my body takes a wile to heal but when it does its like you cant see where i had goten hurt.
and i have one on my chest but idk how it got there and i love it a lot haha
How about instead of cutting yourself and crying… let someone by there for you and give you a shoulder to cry on? I’m willing to talk to you and Journey and anyone if they ever need it or want.
It might sound weird, but I can shoulder other people’s burdens. I can’t shoulder my own, but when someone truly needs someone to cry on and need me, I’ll help carry that burden. Like I mentioned before… I was with friends before who needed me.. and I made them feel better? idk. They seem better off now… so much that they abandon me.
I might not be great at it though, so if not me, just someone else. I don’t think you two should cut yourself to stop crying or being sad. I can understand the cutting to die part. I’ve thought of doing that before. I didn’t know it calms you down… since I’ve got cuts before from injuries and they don’t calm but instead hurt. yups.
@ Deep abyss… for me it was that I hated myself sooooo much I HAD TO PUNISH MYSELF. I had to inflict as much pain and damage as I could without killing myself, but most of the times it ended up taking the self damage to self destruct … to where I was trying to kill myself.
Also, and I’m not sure how to say this… it was like life wasn’t real, that I wasn’t real and cutting was the only way to maintain my sanity because it really felt like I was in the Twilight Zone… like I was constantly JUST AWARE that I was real, that I EXISTED. Now I know that it was depersonalization disorder… feeling unreal. Then, I just thought I was nuts.
ya i really dont feel the pain anymore
thats why when i do it i have to do more
one time i did 129 in one night cuz i couldnt stop crying
@Journey: I hate myself too. Seriously I mess up so many things and do so many things wrong. And I hate my life too and want to die, but I never tried cutting yet. I guess I understand where you guys are coming from. I honestly don’t get all of it, since I never tried that myself yet, but I understand it a bit better now. The feeling of how things aren’t real… I’ve had that feeling before.
@life sucks thin u die: Even if you don’t feel that pain anymore, I don’t think you should do that to stop crying. There are other ways to stop crying. Sorry if I don’t fully fully understand yet. I can understand doing that to kill yourself but not so much the stop crying. Though… I guess you can grow addicted to doing that. Like I said though… when you’re crying, instead, why not cry on someone’s shoulders instead of by yourself and cutting yourself?
@ Deep abyss… well, there’s a bit more to it… how, do I say this.
Ok, I was molested as a kid and I hated the person he had touched he had done those things to. It was like I was in a self-destruct mode… there’s more on here in a post from Monday that i had put up here to sucks. It was in referrence to a couple of posts that she had made about her mom… I think it was… “@sucks… I love you and miss you boo and pain”. I couldn’t punish the guy and so I punished myself.
its hard for me to cry on someone else when i have to be strong for my family
@Journey: You shouldn’t punish yourself for that… that guy is the one that’s messed up. He’s the one that should be punished. But I can understand how something like that can make someone want to cut himself/herself. I’m sorry to hear that happen to you… as a guy.. I’ve never had that happen to me… so I can’t comprehend how that must’ve hurt you. If I could’ve helped and stop that, I would have been more than willing to. I hate guys like that… but I never see it myself in real life to help anyone.
@life sucks thin u die: You can be strong for your family, but you can cry and let someone be there for you too. It’s human to cry.. it’s normal.. I don’t mean to be sexist.. but like some people say… even the toughest of guys will cry. So instead of cutting yourself to stop crying… try to rely on someone to listen to you and let them share that burden. Someone you can trust, not just someone who will pretend to hear and listen and then not when it’s inconvenient for them. I had people like that, people who were only there when it was convenient before, those aren’t the right people to cry upon.
ya right now i cant trust my family or a friend so i rather stay to myself until i can find someone theres some eon but i will never see him in real life
@life sucks thin u die: Yup. I can relate to that, so I can’t argue with you there. I can’t trust my family or friends anymore. I keep calling them friends, but they’re not really friends anymore. More like acquaintances that I rarely talk to or even see anymore.
You can see him in real life. Just ask him to come see you instead? idk. If you can’t see him, maybe he can see you. Talk to him about it then, instead of cutting yourself ever again.
@ Deep abyss… yeah, well my mom found out and she did everything she could to keep me from talking, made me feel like it was my fault. It’s all in that other post, I had put it on there cause it also mentioned my dad and how awesome he was and I could understand how much sucks misses her mom. Yeah, it explains a lot about me. I knew a guy very similar to what you sound like … he was the first boy I ever really liked. We kissed a few times but that was it, I don’t think he ever really knew how much I liked him and I was too shy to tell him. And even though he was very sweet with me, he was a bit of a party animal and “dated” many girls through out high school. He knew I wouldn’t go any farther than kissing and after that it was a friendship only type thing. However, I think now if i had ever told him what had happened he would’ve helped me,he would’ve gone with me to the police station. At that time I could’ve still pressed charges against the man because it was within so many years.
It’s nice to know there are still some really nice guys out there.
So, don’t leave! Some girl would give her right arm for a guy like you!
ya i think he wants to meet me i make him laugh and the same for me we are some what a like but hes really smart and iam in specail ed. so i always feel stupid sometimes when we talk but i dont want him to know that
and if we ever do meet eachother it would have to be after collage
@Journey: I’ll have to try to find that post and read it then. I remember seeing that post before, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find. Idk if I can relate to that guy, since I’m not really a wild party animal. At least I don’t think I am. But yeah.. he might’ve helped you. I don’t think it’s too late to press charges against him even now. I’ve heard of people pressing charges after a long long time of not doing so… but idk if you wanna do that. It’s not your fault… you’re the victim to it.. I can’t imagine how someone can do that to another person.. it’s really is honestly messed up.
No, I think I’m kinda done with love. I trusted too many people and entrusted my heart to people just to be abandoned and lied to. So now, I just want to die. Just waiting for the right way to do so. Honestly, I wasn’t exactly a good kid when I was in elementary school. I’m not nice anyways. I have a mean side to me too.
@life sucks thin u die: Then don’t cut yourself anymore. I know you said you stopped, so continue to stop. You can just talk and cry to him or something instead. Intelligence and all that doesn’t really matter. You’re not stupid, so don’t worry about that.
ya thanks ihave one i told him how one night i had wanted so bad to die and see my mom and i was gonna try it that nigh but he talk me out of it and i didnt txt him the next day and he had txt me when he had the chance and i couldnt relpy and like a lil wile later he had txt me again and i knew he was woried so i had txt him back saying i was ok and stuff you know
@life sucks thin u die: Yeah, I know what you mean. I used to text a lot between my friends and exgf and stuff. Well, that’s good to hear. Just talk to him or your other friends or something whenever you’re crying instead of cutting yourself. Then after a long while, you won’t want to cut anymore. I might just be relating this to biting my nails when I was in like 3rd grade, but I hope that applies to this too.
@ sucks… I think you should meet him sometime, you never know! 🙂
I wish we could all meet one day… that would be soooo awesome!
@ Deep abyss… 9 or 10 years after it happened I notified the church where he was a preacher, I confronted him in my shrink’s (not Matt) office with someone from Pastoral Care. I then went to the police dept. and talked to a female cop and filed a report. They told me to go to the State Police, talked to 2 troopers who were absolute jerks about the whole thing, made me wish I had never gone. After they took my statement they said they couldn’t do anything but they would keep it on file in case someone else ever filed a complaint against him.
Later on after the church was done with their investigation I found out that he had abused 3 other girs at the other churches he had been at.
I’m not beating myself up over it now… except that I didn’t handle it very well throughout school and totally screwed my chances for college.]
And now I’m stuck in a job I hate.
Well, I really hope you don’t go through with your plans because to tell you the truth I’m getting pretty attached to you!
You’re about the same age as my son, I think. He’s 21.
And sucks is the same age as my daughter…. so I gues that makes me the mom of two more great kids!
I’d sure hate for anything to happen to either one of you!
ya thanks guy
i try and talk to him a few min a day
and i would so love to meet you too your like another mother to me
and your like a brother to me
@Journey: Did he ever get persecuted for what he did? after they found out he did that to the other 3 girls? I’ve heard of some people at churches doing that… I’ve seen it on the news before too. It makes it worse cause they’re supposed to follow God and believe in him and his ideals and morals, yet they would do something so immorally wrong. You can always try for a new job… it’s not too late for that.
It would’ve been nice to meet you all too, but I don’t think I’ll live that long to do so. I don’t have anything to really look forward to in my future. I wanted to be so many things and worked on so many things to be able to do anything and all the things I want… but idk anymore. I don’t even have a goal in life. I’m always left alone and betrayed. Always lied to and abandoned. I can choose to pretend and keep going and fit into society and the crowd… to me it isn’t that hard…. but it just seems so fake to me. If I live, I’ll just end up alone and as the years pass, I’ll just want to die more and more and suffer more and more. I don’t really see me ever being happy anymore.
i agree
i think its good you tried
and its sad it didnt work iam so sorry if you want i will come kick there buts if that will make you feel better
@life sucks thin u die: kicks whose butts? I got confused about what you said.
sorry i joke a lot to make people laugh i was talking about the police that did nothing to help her out
@ Deep abyss… Idk if he was ever charged with anything… the only way I ever found anything out was my dad told me. That was when he told me “Probably a good thing I didn’t know…” I never thought of checking the newspapers although the other ones were her in PA they were out of town. I tried calling the guy from THQ in New York that was with the Pastoral Care Dept. and he basically told me “I can’t tell you anything, that isn’t any of your concern.”
I don’t think I can find another job that pays as well as this one, especially with the benefits I have.
I have a $100 deductible and then any tests and all of my shrink appointments are covered for the year.
The job itself is very easy… but it’s VERY noisy, and boring.
I think the headaches have a lot to do with work.
Deep abyss, I know what you mean… so tired of trying. You used to have dreams and goals, you used to have hope that things would get better that you’d get that job y9ou always wanted that life would be… really good.
Now, yu feel like you have no hope, no future, nothing to live for.
You have no motivation, no reason to keep struggling.
you’ve been used and abused and you’re just sick and tired of it all.
Sick and tired of life, and living. Of trying and never getting anywhere except hurt.
But please hang in there? I really feel like the 3 of us have made a connection and would feel really bad if anything happened to either one of you!
@ sucks… ok, thanks. I still remember the trooper’s name that was the meanest. It was Dana Anderson… he would be on the news a lot for interviews.
ya i will try
i wanna end it after my sisters wedding thou
really wow i wouldnt be able to do that
@ sucks… wouldn’t be able to do what?
Please, don’t go through with it… I would miss you guys too much if you left!
i wouldnt be able to remeber him name no mater how much i saw it
and idk if i can keep that promise
if i do have ptsd i dont wanna live it much longer
@life sucks thin u die: Oh, I see. I’m too stupid at times to get stuff.
@Journey: I see. I can see how some of them would say that and won’t let you know. To those people it’s too much trouble to look it up. They just don’t really care to, even though they can. They say that as in excuse in my opinion. If it’s three other girls… I would think he would be prosecuted for it by now.
I guess you have a point. There is a lack of jobs at the moment too since the recession isn’t totally over. My teacher was talking about how it won’t be for another 3-4 years. Isn’t that what you were planning to do though when you’re going to school? to get a different degree or something for another job?
And it’s funny… I was gonna visit PA this summer to meet my exgf. She lives there in PA. I was going to be there for 2 months and then see if I can transfer there later to go to a university there or something and live there with her. I would be there this summer if she didn’t leave me… I even got money saved up enough for it all already too.
idk if I can hang out really long. I know what you mean about making a connection… but… I just don’t know. My life… really has no meaning. I don’t see anything in my future and I don’t have any goals in life. I’m sure I’ll just end up alone even if I keep hanging in there. I’ll be alive for awhile though, if you need anything. I can’t find a good way to die yet, so I’ll be around.
@ sucks He was a jerk and was always on the news. I remember thinking he had a girls name and definitely didn’t act like a real man would if he had any balls and some young girl had just come in and told him what had happended…. getting tired.
The guy from Pastoral Care was saying it wasnn’t any of my business, it was at that point between the church and the guy.
I hope he was. I do know that he was kicked out of his position and later on his oldest daughter, who was expecting her 4th child at the time was hit broadside in a car accident…. my mom had the guts to ask to come to church with me (new one that I started going to after I left hers) and had me ask for prayer for him and the family because she had been killed.
I didn’t know what she had in mind or I would’ve told her no when she asked about coming.
I had wanted to go for nursing.
Where at in PA?
Where are you in CA? We were there this week last year,and looks like we’re going again in April.
I don’t know you seem like a really nice guy, unless you’re really an a**
and totally different from what you’re like on here, I think eventually you’d find someone. yeah, I need for you to hang in there!
Aww I am sorry
(and I am now on my iPod)
@ Journey: I think he would, if he molested 3 others. I don’t think he can hide that for long. Having 3 witnesses in court to prosecute him would be enough.
I’m sure you can do it then. Just work on that and then become a nurse after so you won’t have to go to work there at that place you hate.
I forgot where it was specifically since I tried not to remember it specifically anymore. I live in southern California.
And whatever you see me here, that’s who I am. I try not to fake myself to being someone I’m not. Especially to fit into society. I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m sure if I wanted to, I could do that and then fit in more in school and ask girls out or hang with some guys partying and all that, but that just doesn’t seem like me. I’m a depressing person who wants to die, I’ll stick to that until I find a good way to go. I don’t think of myself as nice or mean, you can judge for yourself if you want. People misunderstand me a lot of times too, so idk what to say about that.
I give up on finding someone. I can’t relate to anyone here. And the girl I trusted and had a good relationship with left me. I’m getting a bit tired of falling in love and giving my heart to another. I rather just end it.
I didn’t mean I can’t relate to anyone here as in this site. Sorry, I misworded it. I meant “here” as in where I live.
hey i didnt read that one yet but can u delete my email? since its on your post i cant change my comment there to take it off.
no i get what youre saying … im just so tired i cant think straight…. its 4am here… cant remember the last time i stayed up this late! hope hubby doesnt wake up when i go back to bed!
when I get a chance I’ll reply back to here. hang in tyhere. wow really tired and my head hurts again. ugh
goodnight… or good morning in my case. haha its been fun! good night.
Yeah, I’ll see if I can delete that since you want it to. I’m not sure you can do that, but I’ll see what I can do. I never deleted anything here or anything before.
And alright, I hope you have a great sleep. Nighty night and sleep tight.
You go in from where it takes you after you log in, to your posts under your comments you will have the option to edit view trash etc…. I found it by looking for Journey in the author and then the smiley and the email… it’s in there twice? or maybe it only made it through once but if you dould check to see if the other one made it through id appreciate it. Thanks.
Thanks, hope you slleep tight too.
Yeah, I found it. I just deleted the email part, not the the stuff. You can check if there’s anything else shown or I missed and just let me know. And np.
Yeah, I hope I can later too.
perfect, thanks. dont’ stay up too late…Insert mother voice here.
get a good nights sleep!
np. And yeah, I guess I’ll try to sleep soon too since it’s really late.
And you too, have a great sleep. Sweet dreams.