I am in so much pain…I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, with them, with everyone.
What do I do when I meet with a counselor? I never know what to say. I let him steer the conversation, but the problem is that things don’t really get addressed. Okay, suicidal thoughts. Great. But those don’t go away, and he knows that. I dunno. I dunno what to tell him.
Please tell me why I want to take care of other people but can’t take care of myself?
Please tell me why disgusting people like me get As on papers when I’m getting nowhere in life?
I want to jump off a cliff, a building, a bridge.
I want to drift, wander, sleep.
Please stop. Please stop. I want this pain to stop…
2 comments
hey, i can understand what you’re going through. my own therapist talks more than i do, and when she actually remembers to do her job, she just says “you’re only 16, you don’t know real pain yet” actually, that’s what most people i know say; toughen up and get over it. i also understand the grades thing because i get mostly A’s. it’s like my grades are the only thing that make me valuable
Sounds like you’re a sensitive, caring person….some people, including myself just find it harder. I feel the listlessness, and pointlessness too.
1st/ School is not a reflection of reality, you’re given theoretical situations….tests, lessons, information,…truly not until you are working
in the real world is your steel really tested. School is a made up system that
doesn’t really teach you about life.
2nd/ U r sensitive, and want to be of service to others which is brilliant and admirable. Not a whole lot of people have that Spirit, but you do. The challenge is to balance the wanting to help without forgetting that you have needs too…and it’s not about being selfish….we all have needs, and when they are not met-things go off track. What was your upbringing like?
Where would you get the idea you are disgusting? Disgusting people are not inspired to help others….I don’t get that sense at all. Sounds like there’s something in you, that’s hiding and perhaps you do not know to let it out….which sucks but is okay….And maybe you’re not with the right therapist. Sometimes it’s easier to look after people to avoid what is hurting us….but allowing yourself to go through and feel the pain teaches and helps you long term. May not seem like it, but I wouldn’t be able to share this with you now, had I not and still do go through and feel the pain that I experience….whether it be emotional, mental, or physical…Cheers!