i forgot to give you guys my email this morning/last night. if you ever want to talk my email is doctorwho2322@aim.com i don’t check it that often so dont get worried if i don’t email you back for a couple of days.
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Cool I think I gave you mine
yeah i have yours. My name’s Rachel by the way.
Nice to meet you (if meet is the right word) lol
i think it works in this situation lol
You must be pretty tired, we talked to like 5am your time
not really i got 7hrs of sleep, i woke up at 1:30pm, im used to not much sleep. i stay up til like mindnight on school nights. i really wish school didn’t start at 7:30am. it is a real ***** trying to get up but it is my own damn falt. Im a night owl or some people call me a vamire b/c im pretty pale
Early morning engagements suck. I basicly was up all night trying to sleep but today I don’t feel any more tired than a few hours of sleeping tablet induced sleep but still exhausted. Also the antidepressants are giving me constant headaches
that blows. Can’t you take something else for your headaches? i have a stash of pain killers so i don’t get questioned what im going to use them for. all of the medication in our house was kept hidden from me b/c they didn’t want me attempting again. when i can’t sleep i end up watching infomercials or shopping channels or i read. i am an avid reader. in 2 weeks i read about 20 chapter books. that was when i really wanted to escape. i don’t read so much anymore school and stuff has gotten a lot better
Thats pretty intense reading, yea I took some killers not long ago its kind of dulling it but yeah. Aparantly they shouldn’t last too long. I used to read but I stopped a few years ago. I always hold some hope I can sleep and just lie in bed although I hardly ever actually get back to sleep, far too much in my head most of the time.
what about meditation? that might help you clear your head. i bet if you googled how it would help. my sister does it everyday.
I think two kind of medication is enough for me right now lol. Found out my sleeping pills are sought after by persciption users/abusers haha
Meditation not medication. they look very similar. are still contemplating selling your pills? probably not a good idea, unless you want to be typing to me from jail. lol
Ooh I got you, I don’t really know how. As sleeping pills they aren’t too good, I just wake up after a few hours and can’t get back to sleep. I don’t really have enough to sell for any real amount of money anyway
bummer. i was hoping you could mail me some lol. when i was on sleeping pills i slept for like 17hrs or sometimes longer. i had cool dreems though.
Wow thats intense, how many did you take? I don’t even dream with mine and they make you mouth taste like metal until you go to sleep and you can’t wash the taste out its a side effect of the pills
i only took one. They must have been pretty powerful i guess. if i didn’t go straight to bed after i took one it would make me forget what i did before i went to bed. I would only remember a little of what i did. im a vegatarian and one time im pretty sure i ate meat. it also made me feel weird and loopy. i also think i stuck a sewing needle pretty deep in my leg, i didn’t tell anyone about that though. i cringe when i think about that one. i would never do that if i were in my right mind.
Paul your still cryin about that girl? get over it
ill be back in about 10 15 minutes
I’m still crying because everything is going unbelieveably shit. I’m still crying because I keep going around in circles and falling down over and over again, that why I am starting on antidepressants to try and change the way I think. Yes I still feel the pain of loosing her every day and I desperately wish I could find comfort in the place I always found it but I am not stupid enough to think shes coming back.
im back now. i needed to study more than i thought.
if you don’t mind me asking, what happened between you and her? and if you don’t tell me im sorry about whatever happened
Fair enuf. I have absolutely nothing to do today so I’m still here lol
Ok you fell get it wemem ? Paul move on ok grow up your like have four or five befour you find a life parnter & if your goin to kill your self every time it’ end do it now. Or Grow up
yeah sometimes i just click through posts for a few hours reading the ones w/ the most intriguing titles
that seems a little harsh balckqwert
Paul like 16 to 24 ok fish sea.
If it were up to me I’d be gone by now but I don’t want to hurt my family, expecially with everything else going on. So I am at least trying to live life and sort myself out, thats why I am trying the meds but I’m not just suddenly going to wake up and be better.
Paul ok is this about a girl?
Family is always getting in the way of my life plan, death.
pual, ill try and get on tomorrow if i dont have too much hw
ttyl
Paul your full of shit do it
O_o
He is not sayin why. he is not suicidal
Obviously that is what set it of. This is about how life is just become unbearable and I can’t seem to find anything good. I am trying to sort myself for my family. I’m hard enough on myself without needing you on my back. I don’t live in some dreamland where I think she is going to come back, I just want something good to happen to fill the void.
idk
honesly i havent reed one part of this kinda sad haha
sorry paul
i just saw that your comments were far a part so i thought it would be funny to put a face in it
ok guys plz dont fight on hear
I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT GETS IN TO FIGHTS ON HEAR
Paul cut the bullshit your not sayin why
Suck’s good to sea you
ya same hear
how you both been
Paul your full of shit i say do it do it your a fake
@blackqwert: I think you’re being too harsh on him. Not everyone has to tell about why they want to die. They have their privacy to it. Everyone has reasons, I think you should let him be instead of making him feel worse.
@paul_1991: I get what you mean, the pain of losing someone you love really can be unbearable. Especially someone you’ve loved and trusted for a long time and thought you would be together forever. I hope you feel better soon and get out of the slump you’re in if you’re still trying to live instead of killing yourself.
what?
Deap abyss why paul is a fake flake
sorry guys i think i am gonna stay out of this one
put plz dont be to mean on each other ok
Suck’s say what you want to me if im in the wrong? but im not maybe
its just that i talk to you both out side of sp and i dont wanna be a *****.
by putting my head in some where it doesnt belong
What do you want me to say? I am suicidal because I lost the girl that was my life and the guilt of pushing her away while I fell apart. It made me look at my whole life and realise how much I really hate it all. Seeing her and most of friends turn their back on me and forget everything good I have done really cut me deep, I know I shouldnt care so much about what others think but the truth is I do. Its made me hate people and I feel like a complete failure. I am suicidal because I have fought so hard and got nowhere and it has taken a huge toll on me, months of going around in circles and searching and waiting for something good has worn me down to the point where I am struggling to find a way out. I am not just an attention whore, I have clinical depression hence the meds. I want to die but I saw how much it would hurt the people that actually do care about me and I am trying live for them. If I am not suicidal because I am trying to live first then I guess that is me. I was here having a conversation with someone and you just come and attack me really helps a lot thanks.
Paul im from england i’ve got a sister in CH your usin it for you fuck you
@blackqwert: you don’t know for sure if he is or not. Just respect him. Everyone has problems in their lives that wants to make them die. Some more than others. Some more open to it and others just rather not talk about it. I’m sure he posted his reasons to it on older posts somewhere if you find them. I think. Well, just don’t be so mean to him. We’re all in the same situations of wanting to die. Making another person who wants to die feel worse won’t help anyone. That’s all I’m trying to say. There’s not need for arguing.
Grow up i lost a girl to who i loved. I moved on
I don’t want to be like this, if it was a question of just waking I think I would have by now. If a DOCTOR doesn’t see me getting better without meds because of messed up brain chemistry then I dont see why you think I can
SO every one here is a lose er you have no idear. im gone soon my time here fuck you.
Hi indigo thanks for inviting me to the convo thats sweet hi paul! Omg i love that your emails doctor who thats so cute! Wtf why are you’s fighting we’re on a suicide website cmon guys!
paul ok this might or might not make sense sorry this how i think call me stupid if you wanna everyone else does
the ocean is full of fish and you catch one on you line and some how unhooks and it made you really sad because it was your first fish ever
because you had lost that first fish (btw you really liked it) it made you never wanna fish ever again
and you became sad and depressed because it had became unhooked
but a friend made you get off you but and get in a boat and go fishing again
this time you caught a bigger and pretter fish and it stayed on the line
so you like the fish more than you first and it was a lot better than your first.
and after that you were really happy because you had something better than your first
ok sorry this could be bullshit but i am trying to make a point theres someone out there thats better for you
crying
that what i said
after all i am the only one hear alowed to fight
Umm what? Did I ever call anyone anything or try and devalue or belittle them. As umm maybe you are doing. You are free to think whatever you like about me, I hate myself so I can’t expect anyone to think any higher of me but your the one that attacked me.
paul did you reed what i said
just asking
Yeah.. I dont’ think there’s a reason to fight here. We’re all in the same boat of ending it or wanting to end it.
@blackqwert: not everyone can move on that easily. For example: you can be close to your mom and then love her to death. She dies, you’ll feel devasted. Then there are those who weren’t close to their moms and even hated their moms at the end, they just move on after awhile. You can’t really judge how someone feels when you don’t know them enough to. You just gotta respect that.
@paul_1991: I know how you feel. Once you love someone so much, whether it’s a girlfriend or wife or family member or anything, losing that person can be very depressing. It hurts to lose someone you love.
Life sucks then you die your so cute lol! Im staying outta it im gonna go read some more posts
Suck’s word
paul bhgfngmghymhju,ji,.jk.k.kl
dfdbgfmgh,hj,jhjk.jk.kl.lk.l.lk. what?
ya i should have to
and thanks
thanks
i am sure its hard to understand
the guy that thrents me everyday says my logic is bullshit
@life sucks, sorry it wasnt there while I was writing my comment. I just read it now and I understand what your saying and that was really well writen 🙂
@DeepAbyss Thanks for your comments too although I havent said anything about them I read them and took them in.
Suck’s was sayin what was you freak
huh
Ooh nice email addy, I’m jealous! I love Doctor Who. Sorry that was random topic change I know, please forgive my gushing fangirlness…
i had trouble deciding wether i wanted a doctor who or torchwood email 🙂
i love british shows and books even though im a silly american
i told myself i was going to stay off this site because i have school tomorrow. that is working out great 🙂
lol this sites addictive! 🙂
indeed it is
done anything interesting lately?
Not much hun i have like no life im always at home on my laptop. How about you?
Sorry silly question I know but: Christopher Eccleston, or David Tenant, or Matt Smith!? Which is your favorite regeneration!? >.>
And yah, I’m always at home on my laptop too…
David Tenant!!!! 🙂
David Tenant! Hands down.
Ha! Yay, I totally agree! David Tenant *melts* Matt Smith *swoons* and John Barrowman is just *drools* but he’s like gay, damn him!!!! =1
i died a little inside when i found John Barrowman was gay. 🙁 Have you seen the last episodes of Torchwood? (dont want to ruin anything)
Yes I have, the one where he has to let his grandson die to save all the other worlds children!? Or are you referring to something else…
i dont remember him letting his grandson die… so idk
He has no choice but to sacrifice his own grandson in order to save all the other children in the world, it was very confronting and moving…
i remember now. well i hated the way they ended it, i cried my eyes out.