It’s actually pretty surreal writing this. I’ve seen this site more than a few times. I’ve been brought to tears by some of the people who wrote here. I’ve tried to kill myself more times than I want to remember. I mean I’ve fit a noose around my neck, taken one too many pills, or stood on the edge of a high building more than enough times. I’ve come close. I fell I’m old enough to understand my position. It’s truly sad for me to read of these 12 and 13 year olds saying they want to die. Don’t get me wrong, I used to be one of them. The thing that gets me is that things just aren’t working out. You grow up thinking that you will win. That you are better than you actually are. And you realize how much you’ve missed out on; how much you’ve wasted. And then you find that you are nothing like what you wanted, and that you’re just another person, unworthy of even walking. Maybe I’m a cynic. The way i see it, I’ve been closer to death than most, and yet I wish I went through with it. Here’s to hoping I do it soon. I’m wasting too much of everyone’s time and money, including my own.
This is a message to all the young one’s here: I’ve been there, and I’ve gone through worse than you have (not to insult you). Give yourself time to at least grow up. If you have nothing to lose, risk it. Talk to that girl, take that job, join that team, and sit at that lunch table. If you have nothing to lose, if you’re suicidal like I am, just freaking go for it. If you fail, you’re right back at you’re old position, which cannot be any worse. I just don’t want to see another young person end up like a did. A fake, lonely, seemingly happy college student who seemingly has everything. I have nothing, and never will. You have to change your life now. Go ahead and actually read your Bible (or koran or whatever), talk to your parents, BE A BETTER PERSON. It’s too late for me. I’ve learned too late. Hopefully this isn’t a lesson your have to learn on your own.
I really have no value for my life anymore. This isn’t a suicide note btw (I’ve already written 3 before). But it’s coming. I’m not giving myself much more time. Not sure why I’m writing this, as it’s only giving grief to other people who actually read this far. Sorry. If only life actually worked out. I guess prayer is the only option till this summer. I’ll probably need it anyway. 6 months: that’s what I got to work things out. Here’s to hoping that it does. Peace, and God Bless.