Sometimes I think, I don’t really want to die, I just want to be saved.
I’m sure most everyone can agree that they would rather have an amazing life and never feel an inch of sorrow than to die.
But lifes not like that, so the only other option is to die.
I can’t stand myself. I’m hideous. I’m a monster. I’m disgusting. No one will ever love me and no one should love me. I deserve to die and just rot in the grave. I just want to be someone else. Not me. I’ll never be good enough for society. I never will. I just wish I could have one person who would understand where I’m coming from. Not to tell me “You shouldn’t want to kill yourself because of the way you look” Someone who understands being bullied there whole life and just someone who understands.
4 comments
I understand
Wow, you should read what I commented on Louis-Loveless’s post. You are good enough, nothing is your fault, and I certainly feel there is no guilt. You could invest more energy in feeling and thinking the way you are or you could perhaps shift your perspective and cultibvate a more positive outlook about yourself…Cheers
I think I understand where you are coming from. I know I can empathise with lots of what you have said, even if I don’t know your history or situation. I’m not going to say “you shouldn’t kill yourself because of…”, but I will say, if you want to be saved, perhaps don’t give up too soon? You never know what’s coming around the corner.
I completely understand how you feel. I feel exactly the same way so much of the time. “I hate myself, I want to die, I’m a bad person, I deserve to die.” I’ll walk around the neighborhood thinking “I wish I was dead, I wish I was dead” and on and on like a broken record.
We have a disease. Clinical depression, bi-polar disorder. It’s all in our head but it’s very real. It’s a serious illness and insidious, because we carry it all on the inside, and people don’t get how badly we feel. Close to 20% of us will take out own lives.
I’ve been fighting this thing for most of my life. I’m slowly seeking treatment, but who knows if it will help. I woke up today wanting to kill myself. I wrapped a sheet around my neck and pulled it tight. But I couldn’t go through with it. Even though I hate myself, when a person takes their own life, they make so many others suffer.
And as someone who suffers so deeply myself, I don’t want to inflict that on other.
I hate that living is my only other choice. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I’m facing challenges I may not be able to overcome.
But like you, there’s this faintest, faintest glimmer of hope, that I might be saved.
I don’t know what tomorrow’s gonna bring, but I’ll live at least one more day.
Reading how you feel, that someone feels the same as me, really helped me out.
Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone.