I need alcohol. Or drugs, I want to smoke some weed. I have never smoked weed before, what does it feel like..? I need something that makes me feel again, for I feel nothing, but emptiness, and worthlessness, and worry..
I don’t want to die. But sometimes I fantasize about suicide – how I’ll be wasted, dancing around to my chemical romance, and then I will fall listening to Helena – MCR. It will be surreal and amazing.. I may even slip a smile, a real one, and feel happiness, I will be set free.. But I won’t let it happen.
I’m starting to loose control. I’m not as good as hiding it as I used to be. I don’t want people to know. I hate people. The human race are disgusting. Including myself. Anyway fuck it, pass the wine..
2 comments
I know how you feel about wanting the alcohol and weed. The last time I smoked weed, I felt like I was in a 2D world, I was laughing alot, and my arms and everything felt really really heavy. It was great. And even so I feel like I have no emotions without weed or alcohol. The only thing I feel if at all, is sadness, or anger. Suicidal isn’t technically a feeling, but I feel like it all the time. You should try some weed, I think it will make you smile, laugh even. Yeah I’m pretty much the same way about people I guess. I just can’t admit to it. I always push people away.
MCR is awesome! Have you listened to teenagers?