I’ve been telling myself this for 7 years and I need a way out. Every year it just gets worse with more time passing by. I haven’t ever had anything or anyone to live for, no meaning whatsoever. I acknowledge that there are people in my life that care, but they’ve never really shown it in the ways I need them to and they definitely don’t understand how I’ve been feeling for so long. At this point I don’t care at all, I don’t feel anything, and I just want what’s best for myself to be free of this constant hell that I live in every day. I’ve never been happy my entire life or at least for as long as I can remember and I don’t remember how it feels to be happy. I don’t feel anything most of the time and when I do they’re always negative emotions. There have been so many times where I’ve found myself crying and begging for help trying to find some form of sanity in my existence. I’ve asked why? What have I ever done to deserve all this pain? I’ve gotten on my knees and pleaded for help from God to allow me to be happy, other times I’ve asked for him to kill me or I’ve put the blame on him. People die every day and people that don’t deserve to, what would it be to him to take one more life that hasn’t been at peace their entire life as an act of mercy?
I don’t want help anymore, from anyone if it involves living. All I want is death. It seems like a scary idea but at the same time it seems enticing. The uncertainty of what happens after is better than the near certainty of the direction that my life would go. I’m even hopeful as to what would happen after but I wouldn’t mind to even cease to exist completely if that were the case as long as there’s no more pain involved.
There’s nothing good for me by living. I realize that I say that partially due to my depression but there’s a substantial amount of logic behind it. I’ve tried asking for help and I haven’t gotten it. I’ve tried helping myself but it hasn’t worked at all and it’s never enough. I can never put forth enough effort or gather enough motivation to get going in the right direction and at this point I don’t care enough to even try.
5 comments
all me Negative emotions are sealed in me memories… And i cant remember, so i do not have any feelings at all… So can you PLEASE tell me watt is PAIN to you??? Ps.: If you are going down, Take The World with you…
If you need help, then I can help you.
I know what you mean. It’s the same for me. When I really need help, no one is there. No one. Not one single person. Life isn’t fair. People who deserve to be happy aren’t. Those who don’t and mistreat others, are happy. I took deserve out of my vocabulary in this world. There is no such thing. God won’t do shit to help. No offense to those who are really religious and believe he does. I believe God exists, I mean… you can’t disprove he doesn’t either. But he doesn’t do anything for a lot of people..
d.a. thats how i felt when it started……..the mistreaters are the happiest cause for alot of em it makes em happy i do that stuff cuz life sucks donkey **** and gets ****** in the *** to show itself its special. **** life.
No, there ARE also good people who are happy & successful!
Sorry to say this, but where were you that you didn’t know such great, inspiring figures such as the blind Heller Keller, the Nazi camp’s survivor poet & writer Anna Frank, then psychologist Viktor Frankl. What about Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Theressa,…heck…even u must KNOW those ‘ordinary’ individuals/people who do good AND getting successful.
Good, kind people who are happy DO exist,
you just THINK there is none because of your distorted-thinking when you’re depressed, also based on ur own past experiences, that you haven’t search wider & deeper enough…
and when they do, they are also very INSPIRING,
there’s nothing inspiring about assholes and bad people who ‘succeed’!
“The world is full of sufferings,.but it’s also full of overcoming it” – Hellen Keller.
Pain is different from person to person. I use to have a gut wrenching feeling in my stomach when I was depressed and I haven’t felt that in so long or barely. Maybe I’ve gotten use to it by now and it may be very subtle. There have been times when I haven’t been able to cry for long periods of time and that is pain. This sense of apathy I have when it comes to my emotions is pain in a sense, my insecurities, my loneliness, and my self destructive though process.
I’m actually 21. Do they check your luggage at a hotel? The real issue is just getting a canister of ******** discreetly.
“Ps.: If you are going down, Take The World with you…”
I would never hurt anyone intentionally if I were to take my own life, at least not physically. I’m well aware of the emotional pain I will cause, but I don’t really care about that.