I vent here because I feel safe.

A year and 9 months ago, my husband of 8 years got his girlfriend pregnant and I found out about both on the same day. He somehow managed to rip my 3 beautiful children out of my arms and I have to dance through hoops just to see them. Last December, I ran into an old friend of mine from high school and ended up moving in with him and his girlfriend. His son moved in. I got depressed and quit the best job I have ever had and ended up flipping burgers. Now, I am sitting in a life that is not my own. Looking at another child in my home and dying inside everytime because I can not see my own… Watching my roommates be sickeningly in love… It is killing my spirit. To make matters worse, my friend keeps telling me that any man I meet now will only look at me as though I am just a fuck, nothing more. My car was impounded and because of my divorce, my credit is too shitty for me to even dream of getting another one. I have lost everything. I have tried to go back to school hoping that an education will help me improve my quality of life, but something always stands in the way. Im not necessarily complaining, i know that there are blessings of some kind tied up in all this. My family won’t speak to me, my friends slowly pulled away… How do you pick up the pieces and move on? When do things get better? I don’t think they ever will. And it kills me. While they are back there all happy, loving life, I am dying. And I’m told that I should pray. I don’t doubt that there is a God and that he’s out there… I just can’t see him.And he certainly doesn’t dry my tears at night. I just want to disappear. Am I wrong to feel the way I do?