I not know where to start but this strange feeling is not going away. I feel some thing big is about to happen in my world. I get very strong feeling “its time to quit this painful life” . This life is mystery which i have failed to understand and purpose of this life have finished for me. I have realized the more i breathe the more pain and suffering i take. Any thing multiply by zero is big zero and that is reality ! This world is full of lies and i am sick and tired of this unjust world. Evil people have turned this world into hell. There are all kind of abuses going on in this world.Â World is full of mean and selfish people. Its rat race and i decided not to be part of it. Biggest lie in this world is fucking family. Simply hate this word even. Another big lie is freedom , damn no one is free in this world.
I see all dark in all corners of my life and this darkness is getting intense with every passing moment. I am so scared to take a single step even , i not know what is coming next , please some one , any one please turn on the light . Please someone pull me out of this quicksand , i am sinking and feel like i have passed point of no return now . This pain is so real and so strong it is now almost impossible to ignore it. Some thing in my mind is pushing me to jump off the high building , when i am driving some thing in my mind tell me to hit my car , when i am having any sharp object like blade or knife i feel like getting rid of all the blood out of my body.I had several fail attempts of finishing myself. I am 27 now and first time i tried to kill myself was when i was 13 years old. I tried to kill myself in car accident but ended up alive . It was funny my car accident experience. The moment i bang my car when i was 17 years old i lost my conciseness , all i remember is my face hitting the steering of the car and then i woke up in operation theater, a team of doctor was about to perform surgery on me. World thinks it was just mere accident , reality is i tried to finish myself 🙂 For more than 30 days i could not move from bed and finally when i stepped down one day after 45 days i guess my blood rushed into my legs and i fell down , i weighed 140 lbs before the accident and after accident my weight was 95 lbs. No one care weather i live or die ? Everyone ignore me and neglect me ! Very few people came to visit me and those who showed up failed to recognize me 🙂 Lately i took lot of hydro-codeine and end up having problem with liver and lost function in 1 kidney. Urge to get rid of this painful experience called life is very strong in me. I find almost zero reason to continue this life.