hello i am a 32 year old female, im in school and have a personal counselor who is helping me cope. i was rape at 12 years old and is now and was forever been thinking suicide thoughts for me not to do it have to be a blessing. i figure out that a lot of people will iss me and it only when i am talking about the pain in my past is when the thoughts become worst. i am depress and sad and i think im crazy. the counselor is helping me in a very good way but my mind is still mess up when im talking more about the past and i really dont want to hurt my self i used too but dont want to no more.i will just take some pills but not a lot to hurt me or kill me i think only to let me forget about the pain. someone died recently and she was very close to me but i move away and have no one to talk about her death with and i think that the reason why i am even more depressed. i love her she was one of the most important person in my life and because of her is why im in school trying to perfect my life but everytime something goes wrong in my life she is not there no more to hear them. i miss her greatly and wish she will come back or i could join her but i know i wont because god don’t allow it. i call the hotline they didnt help me and then i just feel worst off. i dont know what to do.