the last note

im feeling lost, i need hope, i need happiness i need to run away, die away from here, away from them, i just wanna be happy, just want to have a normal life, i wanna be like the other ones, i want to go, i cant be here anymore life doenst make sense for me anymore, ive been depressd all my life since i was a little kid, i had an horrible family, thye was always fighting my dad tried to kill my mom in front of me and my sisters,  since that days i star felling like this, sad, wanting to die, and since then ive been like this, always with problems, im gay, im in love with and hetero, actually cuting myself with razors, tried  before suicide 2 times, last one 18th february 2011 the day of my birthday, im always getting drunk to forget, im in drugs, i dont have reason to live, life is just horrible, someday i will do it for sure, and i know that, i juts want to go and never feel again, i just want to stop living, i dont want to suffer, i dont wanna exist, i wanna go, i need to die, sooner or later i will do it, and i dont care for anyone, cuz they dont love me, they hate me, everyone hates me, and i know that, i wanna die, im wanting to die now, i dont wanna live anymore, and i hate me so much for feeling this, i dont understand me anymore, whats happening with me? i need to die, i cant live anymore i will suffer so much alive, why im writing on places liek this? probably to get some help nothing and no one can help me, i wanna be heard, i wanna be happy, i want to show people that im here now but tomorow i will not be here cuz i will do it sooner or later cuz im an idiot, because im always trying to keep going but i cant, im sorry for the ones whos reading this i just was needing to tell this to someone, i hope one day you found hope and happiness, i hope you all the best tank you for living, enjoy now.