Why can’t things be the way they used to? I don’t get why I have to choose. I just want mom, dad, and me again. Not Mom, step dad and me – not Dad, step mom and me. And certainly not any step siblings, who will have two happily intact mom and dad while I live with a broken family. I’d rather die than have a broken family and baby steps who have parents who are together. How insane can it get – my mom and step mom pregnant at almost the same time – give or take like three months.
When I go to sleep, I dream that I have another family – two secret dream parents who are my REAL parents. Two people who love me more than anything and will always be together, and who tell me that one day we will all be together. I love them more than my parents I have in the waking world. Maybe, just maybe if I could sleep forever, we will be together soon. How nice it would be to sleep and never wake up and face the reality that I have no real family any more.
People say, “You’ll be scaring and traumatizing them for life if you kill yourself.”
I say, “Good, they deserve it. They will be sorry.”
People say, “But a baby is a new beginning, cherish it – you’ll love it as soon as it’s born and you’ll be a big sister.”
I say, “It marks the end of all I had. A stolen mother and a stolen father. I don’t want any siblings and I don’t want to help in any way in it’s care and raising. I want to be an only child forever.”
People say, “Two families are better than one.”
I say, “I’d rather have two whole parents rather than a mom and a dad and step parents who just have to accept and tolerate me because they married into my folks.”
Is there some sort of pill that will slowly kill me in my sleep? Like taking a sleeping pill and never waking up?
In a strange way, I want my earthly mom and dad to with me when I go. I want them to hold me and love me like they used to and then pass me onto my dream mother and father.
The question I ask now – if you were one of my earthly parents, and you read this – how would you feel?
If you loved me, TRULY loved me – you’d allow me to be with my dream parents.
So please, I BEG of you.
Hug me, kiss me goodnight, tell me you love me – and let me sleep forever.