I’m killing myself in a few minutes. This life is too much to handle. I can’t keep going like this, alone. And I am alone. Sure, I have friends and family, but I’m isolated. So much that I can barely remember what it’s like to have those, to have the support of my friends, to have that actual friendship. The feeling someone cares. I can’t… I don’t want to keep living. My life… is nothing. Nothing more than heartbreak after heartbreak. I’m surprised the pieces can still feel enough to keep getting hurt.
I am hurting, more than I ever thought I could. I can’t take it. I think… I realy am going to do it. Kill myself. Something. Anything to make it stop. Just… make it stop… I need help, help that I can’t get from anyone because they don’t know or care. They don’t know I’m hurting, that I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the heart. They don’t know I feel alone, scared, betrayed, and depressed. Of course, I don’t blame any of them. It’s my own fault.
I have a cup of pills set out, ready to take. I think I will. I don’t know if they’ll work the way I want them too, in combination. I have a bunch of sleeping pills, pain pills, and other perscription pills. Over a hundred, all told. I want to do this… and that scares me. No one is home, except my brother, but he’s asleep and wouldn’t get up if the house was on fire. I could go, so easily, and no one would find me… The only thing is I don’t know if someone is coming over or not.
I feel bad for wanting someone to just come and stop me, because I really do want to die. That way I can’t run anymore, and I can just get everything done and over with. The whole punishment after death, or whatever, if I believe in god or stuff like that, for being such a ***** my whole life.
I guess now would be the time to say goodbye. And if I fail… well, I’ll be back on to report, I guess. Like anyone cares.
11 comments
Please don’t do this.
Please talk to your family or friends. You may feel isolated now but they want to help you and they really do care for you. You won’t always feel isolated. I care about you and don’t want to see you go.
Im pretty much alone too i dont have any friends only have my family but im still alone. How old are you? Be careful with pills they rarely work and you’ll probably just end up in hospital really sick and getting your stomach pumped. Then they’ll probably put you in a psych ward which would be horrible. Do you have anyone to talk to?
Please call 9-1-1
There are clues in your post that show you want to live. That you want someone to find you and stop you, that you have little confidence in your method, that you feel betrayed… these hint that there are known sources to your troubles. You need to take time to identify them, as known sources potentially can be fixed.
Who betrayed you? Confront them. Take this as an opportunity to be completely honest with everyone in your life, friends, enemies, family, everyone. Also, don’t try to overdose on pills. If you fail, your liver will be destroyed and you will suffer incredible physical pain. You’ll also suffer the stigma of having failed to commit suicide with a known-to-be-ineffective method; people may assume you were seeking attention and had no intention of killing yourself, and will be unwilling to show compassion or look to help you because they won’t take your depression seriously. Do the smart thing and begin expressing how you feel to those in close contact with you. Again, if you can identify your problems, if they are rooted in physical or worldly things, you can potentially fix them and be happy.
This might be to late but, I have been in your exact same shoes. And I got through it. So I want to tell you it is possible for the pain to go away, but you need to decide if you’re willing to fight the pain. It’s going to be incredibly hard to get through this part of your life but is is possible.
I don’t understand…. I took over half the pills in the medicine cabinet, and hours later, I’m still fine. Shouldn’t I at least have gotten a little sick? What is wrong with me?
Overdosing on pills is super INeffective. Please do not take anymore; you’ll wreck your liver and live with that pain. Go to the hospital and have your stomach pumped or make yourself throw up; then, go to sleep, eat a big healthy breakfast and think more about your situation. I said it before – there are many hints in your post that tell me you want to make things better; don’t give up yet.
Overdosing on pills is a bad way to go (statistically speaking). Most people fail (6% in America pull it off). Get a gun. Way better success rate. Hit a vital organ. Try not to be be messy, someones gonna hafta clean that shit up. Aim for the chest (for the funeral), and make sure you get found by someone who won’t get scarred for life. Like a maid at the local motel.
Don’t blow your brains out. Very ugly. Plus someone will have to identify you. Is that the last image of you that you want them to remember?
I care. I know you feel alone, but part of that is because in depression, we usually isolate ourselves. Sometimes in depression, people don’t even feel worthy of asking for the help they need, or they feel the world would be better off without them.
I do not know you, but I want you to live. My only child killed herself this year, and the loved ones she left behind would have done anything, ANYTHING, to help her live. Tragically, she hid her severe depression from us all until it was too late.
It’s not too late for you. Call Suicide Prevention, for a start. You matter more than you can now know.I want you to live.
You all were right… my depression’s even worse now… and I can’t even get up the energy to think about suicide that much… Plus the pain… God I was stupid…