I’m back???

I don’t know if I feel better or not. School, I’m failing most, if not all, of my classes, but I’m happy that I finally have a girlfriend. Except I am preoccupied by the fact she’s kinda chubby. But I still love her. Lizzie, she’s still cute, but sometimes I want someone hotter, but I’m human, I think? So, my depression is almost gone, comes very rarely, but all I want to do is go with my cousin jasmine, because she has a bf now, Im worried because the idiot thinks losing your virginity with someone means you love them. He’s a guy, I’m a guy, I know that bullshit. My wonderful cousin knows it’s bullshit too. But she wasn’t at home yesterday so I don’t know where she was
My uncle hasn’t said shit to me, I hope to keep it like that. My dad babysat us every time he let’s us do something, it ruins the moment because we can’t say what we want to say and he’s just watching us and I still hate every gut, every fiber in his body! Whatever I hope I see lizzie today, she’s not in a good mood to do anything, but I miss her, she lives 20 min away, and 5 min away from my mom. Goddamnit, why can’t life be less complicated??? Wish I could stay with jasmine at all times. I wanna protect her and I always feel happy when I’m alone with her, I would never rape her, even though my dad and uncle think I will If I’m in her room alone with her. Ugh, they have no trust at all, I guess I should just go to her house before her dad comes home. Idk anyways I love jasmine and Lizzie, but idk who to go with. I don’t want jasmine to get hurt, but I wanna be with Lizzie because she’s amazing. :\ 