I am 18 years old and I’ve been facing shits all the time.
It’s amazing how people think, everyone is different. Some think like there’s sunshine every second and some think its always dark.
It’s not easy to live, I know. Its rather a challenge we need to face, every hour.. every minute, every second. I, myself have thought of suicide more than anyone in this world. I think its the best way to free yourself from everything. That its the only way out of this empty room, that’s its the only solution. I am really tired of living, I am really tired of making people happy especially my mother. I am really tired.
I am tired of getting rejections. Actually.. I think no one loves me. I never had a love life nor a supporting and sweet mother with all my choices, nor an always present friend. Im like really alone. And, if ever theres someone Im hanging on with, Its the Lord. Sometimes, I just want to surrender myself to him. To be with him in the never ending life. Its really tiring to live like this..
Ive tried cutting myself, walking and waiting in the road for someone to hit me. Thought of stabbing myself and etc. But all of it, most of the time doesnt work.
And sometimes.. I think its because we have a purpose in this world. One thing to be clear by the way, WE’LL ALL DIE ONE POINT IN OUR LIFE. Its just.. how you live your life right now while youre breathing. I may tell you now that I want to die, I do to be honest. But, thinking bout you just breathing right now is a gift. Sometimes, I see hope in my heart that I can bear all this things. I hope you do too. I am depressed but still has some hope that its all going to fall into place.
But still, the balance between two has a great distance. I tearfully ask if anyone can be a friend and reach for my hand that is longing to be held.