A year ago I had to quit the university because of social anxiety and in November I got in to therapy. I’ve responded badly to the cognitive therapy. For the past three months I’ve been really depressed. I’ve been on and off suicidal for the same period. My thoughts are a mess and I can’t function in my daily life. Now my therapist wants me to take medication for the depression, but i don’t want to. I think she will force me to take them. I just want to die. I’ve wanted to die for the past 10 years. I’m really angry with myself for not having committed suicide yet. I’ve been hoping to die before I could do something, but I’m still here. Dates have been set, and the dates have gone by, and I’m still here. I always end up thinking myself out of it, and I always regret it. Lately I’ve been thinking of hanging myself or cut my wrists as a way out. I don’t want to get better, I know it will come back, I just want to be dead. The only thing stopping me at this point is that I’m afraid of failing.Â I don’t know what to do.