F@!$

I sit here on my ps3 wondering what to do…
I have finals this week and I know for certain I will fail 4/6 of the finals. I left my backpack at my dads house and in the morning I go to school, yet I am awake at 12:21 AM. I don’t really care, I feel tired and bored but I don’t want to sleep. I keep thinking I want to suffer for all the mistakes I made, even though I purposely made them because I don’t take the right chances/choices. I’m going to choke out now, I hope I die from brain damage soon or lose my motor control for breathing… I hear a loud beep, I think it’s only in my head, it’s getting louder. Maybe it’s a mind control mechanism, it’s seems to come from the DVD player or tv or DVR or whateve da Fuk it is. Fuck it’s giving me a headache or it was my attempt to choke out or lack of sleep or 3 days worth of video games I endured. Ugh the beeping goes on and on and on, and it annoys the Fuck out of me. Wish I could see and meet and hang out with Vanessa (friend I met on Call of Duty) I’ve seen her pics, checked Facebook, called her, texted her and she’s my age and lives in Cali like me. She has a cute voice, but seems like a chola but whatever. I won’t meet her. I will never see Lizzie anymore. But whatever she’s not worth the 2 hour drive… Should live single longer… Depression went away and then came back. Fuck, wish I had a pretty girlfriend, too bad with my mental retardation and stuttering I suck at speaking. I can’t say I love u without saying it like an idiot . I hear in my voice when I lie to Lizzie when I tell her on da fone that I love her. It’s easier to text it.

I’d rather just die right here with the kitchen knife on the table…
But then again I don’t have the guts to ever do it…… (chokes out multiple times) …. That’s better………….. ()